The Way I Feel
by ApathyandEmpathy
Summary: Starts from Emily dancing in the club in JJ's episode. A confrontation with Katie and Naomi sends Emily off the rails and into a downward spiral. please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

She smiled as she let the music wash over her, arms stretched above her head clutching a half drunk bottle of vodka. Moving in time to the beat she felt herself slipping away to a place where only the music existed, where the only thing that mattered was to keep dancing because as long as did she wouldn't have to let those thoughts crept into her mind and take away the calm that had finally allowed her to relax. To smile.

It felt like it had been a life time since Naomi had spoken to her, had poured her heart out to her, even if it had been through a door, and since then she hadn't heard anything from the blonde. Whilst she wanted desperately to speak to the other girl Emily had received no answer to her texts or calls, and it seemed as though Naomi was taking every opportunity to avoid her at college. Eventually she felt her will to fight fading; there was only so much rejection she could handle and she was pretty sure she'd had enough to last a good few years in just a short space of time. She knew she loved Naomi but all she seemed to get in return was a broken heart, and being constantly pushed away was starting to take its toll on the redhead's already low self-esteem.

Emily urged herself to quieten the thoughts that pushed their way into her mind, gulping at the drink in her hand she winced as she felt the alcohol burn its way down her throat. Breathing deeply she continued to dance even as she felt a pair of hands snake their way around her body. Leaning back into the touch she willed herself to let go and to forget that the hands defiantly didn't belong to the person she hoped could be here with her, as she felt a harsh kiss being placed on her neck she winced as contrasting memories of the night at the lake flashed through her mind.

'Emily!' the scream came in her ear, and she couldn't help but smile as she rolled her eyes at Cook.

Wanting to lose herself once more she continued to dance until she felt a strong hand grab her by the wrist and tug her away from her friend. Frowning she turned to face the intruder and was surprised see Katie, it had been a long time since her twin had come to her rescue, which Emily assumed was what Katie had been intending. As she allowed herself to be dragged through the club the forcefulness the grasp made Emily rethink her sister's status as rescuer. Barging people out of the way the twins reached the exit and Emily gasped as the cold night hair hit her hot skin.

'What the hell are you doing?' Katie screeched as she stole the bottle from her sister's hand 'You let that wanker put his hands all over you!'

Trying to focus on staying upright the normally quiet girl felt anger building in her chest and it took all her restraint not to launch herself at her counterpart 'I was having fun, beside I didn't think you would object…it all about cock right?!'

'Too right babe' Cook laughed as he swaggered up being Emily and wrapped an arm around the girl 'It's all about the Cook!'

Shrugging off the offending arm she watched her sister glare in Cook's direction 'Fuck off' the sisters yelled in unison equally angry

'What's with all this hostility girls? I thought we were having a good time' he winked at Emily as he took a swig from a beer he seemed to have snatched from nowhere 'There's enough to go around'

Ignoring him Katie turned her attention back to Emily 'What's with you lately? Is it that dyke Campbell? I told you to watch out for that skank, what did she do?

'Nothing, and don't call her that!'

Smirking Katie retorted 'Dyke or skank? Either way it's true. I saw you on the bouncy castle Em, how you could let her kiss you? It's fucking disgusting, you're disgusting.'

Hearing Cook laugh and mutter something crude Katie began to shout now as she confronted her twin, invading her personal space and forcing her to back up against the wall of the club.

And don't blame it on drugs; I know that's just bullshit. Tell me the truth, what the hell is your problem?'

Stunned into silence Emily tried desperately to gather her thoughts as she felt the coldness of the bricks against her back. She wanted to scream at her sister, to tell her she was gay that she was in love with Naomi. She wanted Naomi to come storming out of the club and tell her she loved her just as much, She wanted a lot of things, but was slowly starting to realise that as much as she hoped and wished, things never worked out for her. She was gay, rejected by the girl she loved and even worse she had never felt lonelier as she did now watching her twin turning against her.

'What the fuck are you doing?'

The voice that came cutting through the night air was like a lifeline to the speechless redhead, as she watch Naomi followed by the rest of the gang flood out of the doors and come bounding up to the trio.

'You stay out of this' Katie shouted glancing in the blonde's direction before focusing back on her sister 'you've done enough already, freak'

Emily watched the blonde eye up the situation as a million different scenarios raced through her brain.

'Just chill out everyone, okay' Freddie tried, taking his girlfriends hand to pull her away from Emily at the same time removing the bottle from her hand 'Katie, come on lets go inside'

The girl relented slightly and allowed herself to step back slightly, only to turn to face Naomi. The tension between to two evident to the group as they observed the heavy silence that fell between the girls.

'What did you do to my sister?' Katie asked, the anger causing her voice to shake as she stepped forwards.

Once again Freddie intervening putting himself between the blonde and redhead, but this time he found herself shoved out of the way as Katie continued on with a determined glare. Emily watched still momentarily frozen as her twin stood face to face with the girl she loved 'I said; what the hell did you do to her?'

It was like a switch had been flicked in Emily's brain, as though something had finally broken, as she watched the scene unfold before her. Like a wild animal she felt the anger explode as she launched herself off the wall and grabbed her twin by the arm twisting her round violently. Then she found her voice.

'She didn't do anything to me and there is nothing wrong with me' the redhead raged letting the words she had bottled up for so long come spilling out of her mouth. She was beyond caring what people thought of her, fuelled by the courage from the earlier alcohol and the riving anger she could no longer contain 'You never listen to me, ever, in case you haven't noticed I'm not you. I'm fed up of letting you walk all over me, telling me how to act and who to be friends with. I can make my own decisions'

Katie opened her mouth to interrupted by she wasn't allowed the time as Emily continued 'I kissed her okay and it wasn't disgusting it was incredible and it wasn't a one off Katie, I'm gay and I love her'

Stopping abruptly she realised what she had let slip and looked over to see the shocked expression spread across Naomi's face 'I…' she began but found herself cut off by her twin.

'You're gay?' she spat, horror evident in her eyes 'and you love…her?'

The anger was fading quickly replace now with a sense of fear and she watch her sister process everything, the rest of the group awkwardly watching unsure of what to do. She frantically racked her thoughts for a way to calm Katie until she saw a look of spite crossed the other girls features 'Do you love her?' came the question.

Emily looked anxiously between Naomi and Katie. She willed the blonde to say yes, to prove once and for all that she felt the same and that those nights spent together meant something to both of them and that she wanted Emily back.

'Why don't you just relax, it doesn't matter..' Effy said making her presence known for the first time. Normally she liked to observe people, but this was too much for her to simply stand back and watch 'She's your sister'

'Stay out of this Effy' Katie scoffed throwing an angry look her way before turned her attention away again 'well? Do you love her? We're all waiting…dyke'

Emily watched Naomi take a deep breath, but part of her knew what was coming as she saw the other girl glancing around her taking in the faces of her friends and numerous others who had become fascinated watching the argument play out. She watched Effy offer an encouraging nod and wished she could thank her; at least someone was rooting for them. Looking back to Naomi she tried to calm her nerves as she felt her heart hammering in her chest.

'No.'

The word was whispered so quietly Emily wouldn't have even been sure she'd heard it if it wasn't for the victorious look on her sisters face.

Tears sprung to hers as she looked at the blonde who stood staring at the ground unable to meet her gaze. Clenching her fists Emily turned away urging herself not to cry, she wouldn't allow Katie that, even as her breaths became erratic she shut her eyes to stop the pain from spilling out. It felt as through her heart had been ripped from her chest, humiliated in front of everyone by two people she though loved her, that were supposed to care for her. Grabbing the bottle of vodka from Freddie she hurled it at the floor and watched as it smashed into a thousand pieces between Katie and Naomi, before turning and running into the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Emily felt the tears fall but all the emotions; the hurt, anger had long since faded and been replaced with a cold numbness as she found herself walking along the streets of Bristol. She had no idea of the time, or how long she had been walking for but the aching in her feet told her it had been a few hours. She wasn't sure whether she had expected anyone to come looking for her, or if anyone had, but in any case she was alone even if she suspected her phone would be full of messages and missed calls.

Forcing her legs to keep moving she regretted her choice of smashing the vodka, she could have used a drink right now if only for the artificial warm it would have provided, and as the cold began to take over her body she wished more than ever she had a plan. Shivering the redhead decided to find somewhere to shelter and picked up her pace as she spotted a covered bus stop, ducking inside she took a seat on the hard bench, glad to relive the pressure on her feet. She sat for a while content to be out of the cold night and the rain which had just started to fall. Sighing she felt in her pocket for her phone which she had put on silent after the first call from Naomi, and checked the screen.

97 missed calls.

11 new voicemails.

25 new text messages.

She couldn't help but let a bitter smile surface as she scrolled through the data. Most of the calls and messages were from Naomi and surprisingly Effy as well as an assortment from her other friends, begging her to get in contact to let them know she was okay. The usual drill. But the problem was she wasn't okay, that's why she was here and not tucked up in her warm bed. Just as she was starting to feel even sorrier for herself she noticed a message from Katie, the only message from her sister. Reading it Emily let out a stifled sob.

_I told Mum and Dad everything. _

How could she? As if she hadn't wreaked enough chaos in her twin's life, she was bringing their parents into it. Emily felt her hand clench around the phone and resisted the urge to throw it to the floor to suffer the same fate as the vodka. She should have been the one's to tell them, when she was ready, not Katie. There was no way she could go home now. The thought of spending the night sleeping rough scared the young girl and as much as she hated to admit it she knew she had nowhere to go, and this thought just sapped even more of her energy. She wanted to cry, scream but most of all she wanted to sleep as the nights events caught up on her. The time on her phone read _3.35am_ way too late to find a hotel, even if she could afford it with the small amount of money she had on her, even to late to ring back the friends who had been so concerned.

Emily pulled her knees up to her chest, desperately trying to keep herself warm, when her phone began to flash. Biting her lip she focused on the screen praying for some kind of help and seeing the caller name she calmed herself before answering.

'Effy?' Her voice sounded odd to her ears, as if she was hearing herself speak from a distance, hoarse from hours of crying.

'Where are you?'

'I…I don't know…I just…' Emily stuttered the cold air catching in her throat 'I'm at a bus stop…' Looking around for some indication of where she had ended up she found a small sign above her head 'Bellgrave Road. I don't know where that is'

Effy let out an uncharacteristically relieved sigh 'Okay, you're by the university. I'm coming to get you. Wait there okay?'

'Okay'

And with that the girl was gone leaving Emily with only a dial tone for company as she waited for the brunette.

-----------

Half an hour later Emily found herself walking in step with her friend along the deserted streets, gratefully pulling a warm jacket around her frozen body.

Emily was thankful for the silence, no questions or awkward small talk, no pity or comforting glances. Handing the spliff back to Effy the two girls continued to walk side by side, occasionally exchanging sipping from the small bottle of vodka the brunette had brought with tokes from the spliff Emily had rolled. As Effy's house came into view the two girls stopped to lean against a neighbour's wall, making short work of finishing the spliff, before heading inside.

'Don't worry, no-one's home' Effy said casually as she let them through the door and headed to the living room.

Emily nodded and watched her friend pull a blanket from a near-by cupboard. Sitting on the sofa she sighed quietly to herself at the strangeness of the situation, and as Effy sat next to her offering the bottle she found herself greedily excepting. She wanted nothing more than to drink until she had forgotten everything and who better to share that with than the girl sitting next to her who looked as though she was also drinking for other reasons than a quick buzz. Wrapping the blanket around themselves the two girls shared a knowing look.

As she gazed at the images on the television screen flickering to life she realised she had yet to thank Effy, though something told her she didn't really need to vocalise it, she couldn't help but whisper 'Thanks Eff'

She saw the smile, however brief, flash across the brunette's normally neutral face and was glad for the exchange.

Both girls turned their attention to the screen in front of them, trying to lose themselves in whatever terrible film was playing at that hour. The half empty bottle lay on the floor long forgotten about as Emily observed the beginnings of light coming through the curtains. Stifling a yawn she heard Effy's voice break the hush that had fallen over the room.

'She was lying'

The words came from nowhere and for a moment the redhead wondered what on earth they were supposed to mean.

'She loves you'

Emily let out a bitter laugh in an attempt to ease the pain Effy's words had inadvertently caused 'Funny way of showing it'

Effy nodded, understanding the topic was not up for discussion for the time being, and instead turned her attention back to the screen. Feeling the tug of sleep begin to nag at her Emily glanced at Effy and saw a yawn escape, smiling the redhead found her friend returning the gaze.

In an unspoken gesture Emily made to lie down on the sofa inviting the brunette to lie with her, and was pleasantly surprised as she felt the brunette ease her way into the embrace, both content to be with someone even if it wasn't the one who their heart belonged to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

The bright morning light crept in through the half drawn curtains dragging Emily away from a heavy sleep and back to reality. Wincing at the brightness she closed her eyes tightly fighting to stay in her dreams, but she knew it was no use. The pounding in her head was the first reminder of the night before, quickly followed by the dryness in her mouth and a strange weight pressing down on her chest. With her eyes still clamped shut the twin allowed her senses to temporarily fool her brain into believing the warmth coming from the body on hers was Naomi. She desperately wished that last night, and the last few weeks, had been a terrible nightmare and that when she woke she would be greeted with the piercing blue eyes she loved and a dazzling smile. Instead as she slowly opened her eyes she saw the awakening figure of Effy who judging by the look on her face had been on a similar train of thought.

Neither girl said anything as they untangled themselves from each other, though both offered the other a small smile. Stretching Emily winced as the pounding in her head increased, making her feel as though a tiny army in her head was declaring war, and she was pleased when Effy disappeared only to returned a few moments with water and a couple of painkillers.

'Rough night' came the brunettes' voice. As she was about to speak again the sound of the front door slamming interrupted her.

'Anyone home? Effy…?'

The look of annoyance on the girls face would have made Emily giggle in any other circumstance, but somehow she couldn't even raise a smile this morning and instead chose to throw a quizzical look at her new friend.

'Oh there you are' Effys mum declared as she entered the living room and glanced around 'And you have company'

'This is Emily' was the short response as Effy grabbed the blanket from the sofa and crammed it back into the cupboard not looking at her mother. Emily however couldn't help but noticed a strange look pass over the older woman's features as she gave the redhead a quick smile.

'Lovely. Nice to finally put a face to the name'

And with that she made a swift exit leaving a bemused Emily 'Did you tell you mum stuff about me?'

'Bits'

Rolling her eyes at the vague answer the twin couldn't help but think Effy and Naomi had more in common than most would think.

'Does she think I'm here to gay you up?' Emily joked as she checked her reflection.

Effy paused 'Probably'

Satisfied she'd done all she could Emily turned to face Effy and saw a grin pass over the girls face and couldn't help but let out a small chuckle glad to find she could still feel something.

Pulling on her shoes Emily briefly wondered whether she could face going home today and sighed inwardly at the situation she had ended up in as she stood to leave. Turning to her friend it struck her she didn't exactly know the social etiquette for thanking someone for offering a nights comfort.

'You're welcome' Effy stated breaking the quiet that had fallen over the room 'Here'

Taking the jacket that was offered, Effy's trademark leather jacket at that, Emily pulled the other girl into a quick and slightly awkward hug. Breaking apart the redhead nodded and pulling on the warm jacket left the safe haven of Effy's house.

------------

Emily strolled aimlessly down the high street, carefully to avoid the bustle of people filling the pavement as they enjoyed their Sunday afternoons. As she quickly sidestepped to dodge another woman who seemed determined to mow her down with a pushchair the redhead wondered how much longer she could delay going home. She'd been walking up and down the same road for hours now, and had passed a large amount of time in a small café drinking cheap, tasteless coffee as she watched the world go by more than happy to be a spectator. At least it took her mind off her own problems. But even though she had no more missed calls, she reminded herself to thank Effy for texting everyone; she knew her parents would be worried about her. She hoped they would anyway. Sighing she dug her hands into the pocket of her borrowed jacket and altered her direction deciding she might as well confront her family now, seeing as how she didn't really have anywhere else she could go.

Allowing her legs to automatically carry her to her house Emily found herself in front of the familiar door all too soon for her liking. She couldn't believe that just yesterday everything had been fine, and now here she was afraid to enter her own home. Searching for her keys she cursed loudly as they dropped to the floor, and then cursed silently as she heard the door open. Emily felt the overwhelmed urge to just turn and run, she was pretty sure she could be out of sight before who ever was looking down at her could react.

'Gordon McPherson says you're a dyke, because people put…'

'James, upstairs now! ' came the shrill voice belonging to the twins' mother 'Emily, kitchen now!'

For once the young boy didn't put up an argument and headed straight to his room leaving Emily scrambling to her feet and attempting to brace herself for the onslaught. As she stood on the threshold of the Fitch household she again fought the urge to run and instead took a step inside, shutting the door behind her.

Walking into the kitchen she took in the stern faces of her parents and Katie and took a seat at the table opposite them. The silence that hung in the air made everyone uncomfortable and Emily found herself unable to meet anyone's gaze. It ran through her mind that she had nothing to feel bad for and that if anything Katie should be the one subject to this stand-off, but sitting here was making her feel worse by the second. It was Mrs Fitch that broke the tense hush.

'Where have you been?'

'I…I stayed with a friend' the redhead stuttered nervously under the scrutiny 'Effy'

'Is she the reason you look so…' her Dad piped up looking his daughter up and down.

Emily was suddenly very aware of her dishevelled state, although she had tried her best at Effy's to clean herself up she wasn't exactly looking her best 'No…it wasn't…'

The room fell quiet again. No-one seemed able to bring themselves to say anything, and as Emily watched the minutes tick by on the clock she found herself becoming more and more irritated.

'Look are we going to just sit here and avoid the issue for much longer?' she burst out making everyone jump a little in their seats 'I like girls okay? Well…a girl, I love her. But I guess that doesn't really matter anymore thanks to you' she snapped in her twins direction 'Everyone satisfied?'

Emily surveyed the expressions on her family's faces, even Katie seemed shocked at the outburst they had always seen her as the shy one, the quiet one but this time Emily wasn't going to just sit back and take it all in stride. If the last few days had taught her anything it was that she needed to start standing up for herself and not let people treat her like a doormat anymore.

'Jesus' came the pained whisper 'Do you even hear what you're saying?'

Emily's eyes snapped up to meet the gaze of her mother, she had expect an argument she was prepared for shouting she was pretty sure she could have handled things being thrown around the room. But this was too much, her mum actually looked horrified. All the confidence she had felt come surging through her moments before drained away. Looking towards her Dad she saw a similar expression to her mothers reflected back 'I'm still me…I'm still Emily'

'Are you?'

Her Dad spoke this time, no long able to look at her he kept his eyes on the wooden surface of the table, his hands clamped tightly together in front of him. Emily didn't know how to respond, she wished she could make them understand but her words failed her and she felt them slipping further away.

'I think it's best if…perhaps you leave for a while' Mrs Fitch stated standing from her seat and approaching Emily gesturing for her to stand 'Until you're thinking more clearly'

'Mum!' it was Katie that spoke this time surprising her twin 'What are doing? You can't kick her out!'

'It's just for a while…a few weeks will help Emily put everything in perspective'

Emily found herself being ushered down the hallway she had been so afraid to enter earlier and noticed one of her bags packed and tucked away in the corner. She watched as her own mother picked up the bag and handed it to her as she opened the front door.

'We've sorted out a room for you here' her Dad said handing her a piece of paper as she stepped back out into the street 'It's not far'

Emily tried to argue but she couldn't believe what was happening, casting a last look at her family she noticed Katie run upstairs and slam the door to their bedroom and then she watch as her mother closed the door. Shell-shocked she stood for a few moments unable to process what had just happened when she heard a voice above her.

'Ems, catch…'

Looking up she saw her twin leaning out of the window and quickly moved to catch a small bag that was thrown down. Frowning she undid the zip and let out a small sob as she saw what was inside; various clothes including her favourite shirt, her stuffed animal Mr Monkey, Katie's ipod and a full bottle of vodka.

'Katie'

Both twins jumped as their mum's voice cut through the air from inside the house and Emily turned to walk away.

'I'm sorry…I never meant…'

Emily stopped and turned to look back at her twin 'I know'

With that her sister disappeared back in the home and Emily, clutching the unfamiliar address in her hand, began the lonely walk towards the lights of the city.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Emily stumbled forward following the herd of students flowing through the gates of Roundview College as she tried to ignore the stares and whispering of those around her. Holding back a yawn she turned to her friend walking next to her.

'Gossip travels fast I see?' the redhead muttered.

Looking up she couldn't help but smile at Effy as the brunette linked their arms to together in a show of solidarity. As the two made their way to the first lesson of the week, tutorial, Emily began to slow her pace knowing she could have to come face to face with Naomi. And Katie. And everyone else. She felt Effy slowing with her and she realised they were both in a similar situation, in fact they'd spent most of last night drinking vodka in Emily's hotel room and coming up with elaborate plans that all involved ditching college and finding a warm, sunny beach to hide away on. Eventually Emily promised herself that she wasn't going to run from her problems, she might not be ready to face them head on but she wasn't going to let her college work suffer, education meant a lot to her.

Taking a deep breath she exchanged a glance with Effy and the two entered the class together. Quickly finding two empty seats at the back of the room they sat down, Emily trying her best not to look at anyone for fear of catching the eye of a certain blonde and losing control of her emotions.

The lesson began soon after and Emily wished she could focus on what ever it was that Kieran was talking about but all she could think about was the feeling of two pairs of eyes staring intently at her trying to get her attention. Calming herself she finally looked up from the desk and noticed that where as their group normally sat together today was very different. On one side of the room sat Katie and Freddie with everyone else sat on the other of the room, and Naomi sitting by herself in the middle.

Emily briefly wondered if anyone else had noticed the tension in the room, the whole group seemed to be giving each other intense looks and it suddenly stuck the redhead that for as long as they had all been together there had been more arguments, drama and fights than was surely normal for people who were supposed to be friends.

Shaking her head she found her eyes meeting with the piercing blue eyes of Naomi, and it was as though time stood still. She desperately wanted to tear her eyes away but it was as though there was some kind of magnetism holding her there. She felt her breathing become more erratic as the emotions she had tried to keep in check bubbled to the surface. The cool touch of Effys hand on hers seemed to break the trance and gasping she finally looked away overwhelmed.

Scribbling a quick note and passing it to the brunette Emily raised her hand 'Can I be excused?'

Not waiting for an answer the twin grabbed her bag and bolted out the door of the classroom.

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Sitting in the shadow of a large tree on the college field Emily smiled bitterly as she realised she had broken her own promise about not running away from her problems, brushing away the tears that refused to stop falling she didn't notice the other girl approach.

'You're not answering you're phone then?'

Emily didn't reply but shifted slightly to allow her twin to sit by her, both leaning comfortably against the tree.

'Thought you might have left…' Katie began as she lit two cigarettes and passed one to her sister.

Emily took a long drag before sighing 'Thought about it, but I don't exactly have anywhere to go do I?'

A silence descended over the twins as they smoked, watching other students enjoying the freedom from lessons. In truth, Emily didn't know what to say, she couldn't even begin to grasp what was going through her sisters head. It wasn't like she unaccustomed to the bizarre mood swings of her overbearing sibling but this was whole different situation; one night she's ripping into everything good in her life and the next she's sitting with her like nothing happened.

'Why?' came the quiet ice breaker, and Emily couldn't have been sure she'd even asked the simple question as she watched Katie continue to be still and she was even less sure she could bear to hear the answer but she had to know.

'I…I never meant for all this shit to happen, I'm sorry for…I didn't know they'd make you leave…' Katie stammered, uncharacteristically awkward as she tried to defend her actions 'I'm sure if you explain it to them, tell them you're sorry or it's just a stupid mistake...'

'Sorry?' Emily questioned 'What do I have to be sorry about?'

Katie threw her sister a confused look 'For this whole thing. I mean, I know you're like jealous of me…but making up this whole drama with Naomi it's kind of sad. I mean I get that you want attention, but don't you think it's gone far enough? You're not gay Emily…'

Katie found herself cut off as Emily shot to her feet, glaring down at her sister 'You think I'm jealous of you? That I just want attention?'

'Why else would you be putting us all through this?' Katie shouted in response as she stood to face her twin.

'I don't believe this…if anything you're the only who's causing all the fucking drama'

'I thought if you could see that she doesn't love you it would make you realise how ridiculous this is and that if Mum and Dad knew they'd I dunno…make you see some fucking sense Ems and you'd see that this isn't you. I just want everything to go back to normal, and for all this to just stop. I want the old Emily back'

'It's not going to stop Katie, no matter how much you try and fuck everything up for me I'll still be gay whether Naomi's around or not. Things change okay, and just

because I'm not exactly like you…'

'But she doesn't even want you' Katie screamed as she shoved Emily backwards 'For fucks sake Ems, you'd really abandon me for someone who doesn't want you?'

Shocked Emily tried to make sense of her twin 'Abandon you? I would never…'

Katie looked shocked at hr own outburst and hurriedly began to gather her things 'Whatever…'

'Katie...is this this is about? You're scared I'll…leave you?' Emily attempted trying to get her sister to look at her 'You did all this, turned everyone against me; Naomi, our parents…to keep me with you?'

'You know you're nothing without me' Katie retorted unable to meet her sister's astonished gaze 'And the sooner you realise this whole thing is just some stupid phase the better'

With that Katie turned her back and stalked off across the fields but not before flinging one final scathing remark 'I know you Emily…you're not gay, just stupid'


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - Thanks for everyone for the reviews, I wasn't a hundred percent happy with the last chapter (I couldn't even decide if it made sense) as I'm finding the crazy mind of katie pretty hard to write but all the reviews made me feel a lot better and motivated me to write this chapter which came a lot easier thankfully. **

**Also a special thanks to Vix for the tip about the rating system :)**

**Chapter Five **

The music blared from the house and Emily would normally have been thinking about how long it would be till the police arrived and everyone would be forced to make a stealthy exit into the night but tonight she simply clutched the bottles of beer and glasses she was struggling to hold on to and stumbled out into the garden. Narrowly avoiding a group of guys involved in what looked like a messy drinking game, in more ways than one, she spotted the group of people she had been looking for a made a bee-line for them. Taking a seat next to Effy she placed the bottles in the middle of the circle of friends. It had taken a lot of persuasion from the group for Emily to come tonight because although she wanted nothing more than a night away from her soulless room she dreaded running into Katie again, or worse Naomi. Fiddling with the label on her beer a warm voice broke her away from her thoughts.

'Are you okay Emily?' Thomas asked as she opened a bottle for himself and Pandora.

'Fine' the redhead replied forcing a smile, not wanting to bring down the mood.

'We're gonna have a whizzer time guys, just the four amigos!' Pandora grinned as she chugged down her drink and reached for a second 'Ain't that right Eff?'

Effy smiled in response as she watched Emily pull out a small tin and begin to clumsily roll a cigarette in an attempt to calm her nerves 'Right Panda'

Accepting a lighter from Thomas the redhead managed take a much needed hit of nicotine 'You're sure they're won't be here?'

'No-one's even seen or heard from Naomi the past few days, and Katie…' Effy paused her looking down at the floor 'Is with Freddie'

Emily detected the pain in the brunettes voice and couldn't help but feel a new wave of anger towards her sister wash over her. Apparently it wasn't enough to just pick on her twin she was spreading the hate around as well as her legs Emily thought taking a long drag from her badly rolled cigarette before flicking it away. Sighing she took a quick look around the garden at the other party-goers, recognising a few faces she felt a little more comfortable and sipping her beer tried to block out any negative thoughts. She was here to have fun, to forget everything else and beside if she'd managed to avoid Katie and Naomi for the past few days she was sure she could get through tonight. The irony that she was now the one doing everything to avoid the blonde wasn't lost on her, but she didn't feel ready to face the other girl just yet.

The sound of a smashing bottle broke Emily away from her thoughts and she realised she'd zoned out of the conversation, as she saw Pandora was excitedly gesturing at her 'So, what do you think Ems?'

As she fought to contain the deer-caught-in-headlights look it was Thomas who came to her rescue 'I think a drinking game is an excellent idea, does anyone know a good one?'

'I do' Effy said pulling a collection of spirits from a plastic bag and smiling 'Got those glasses?'

Emily gave her a nervously glance as she saw the smirk on the brunettes face but handed over the small plastic glasses she had managed to capture on her adventure into the house.

'Look away'

The three friends looked confused as Effy rolled her eyes and gestured for them to turn away. They obliged and when they turned back they saw four glasses with a shot of clear liquid in each and watched as Effy indicated for them to each take a glass and once again they obliged each giving their glass a nervous look.

'Do shots count as a game?' Emily commented wryly

'Four shots; one vodka, one vodka and a…special ingredient, one sambuca and one water'

Emily grinned looking at her friends 'Special ingredient? Good or bad?'

Effy smirked but didn't reply instead motioned for them to drink 'On the count of three..'

Everyone seemed to take a deep breath as they exchanged looks.

'One'

'Two'

'Three'

In unison the three raised their glasses and slung back the shots. There was a pause as everyone seemed to wait for the other to respond. Pandora was the first

'Water!' she chirped seemingly happy to escape the burning alcohol that Thomas seemed to be swallowing as he cringed and let out a cough.

'Sambuca'

Effy grinned and threw her glasses down into the middle 'Vodka…which means…'

Everyone turned to look at Emily who blinked and looked into her glass hoping to find the answer at the bottom 'What was that?' she asked as she threw her glass in with the others.

'A treat' Effy responded bumping shoulders with the redhead before standing and pulling the smaller girl up 'I think it's time to dance'

Thomas looked at Pandora smiling 'Perhaps later' he replied wrapping an arm around his girlfriend.

With that Effy took Emily's hand and began directing her towards the house. Music was still pumping out the windows and the redhead could feel the bass vibrating through her as they stepped inside the living room and found a space among the writhing and sweaty teenage bodies. Grinning they both began to move to the music, hands still linked together Emily closed her eyes and felt the alcohol taking more of a hold, when she opened them again she was meet with equally intoxicated eyes. Losing herself in the music she watched her friend move away slightly to swipe two bottles from a nearby table. Accepting one for herself Emily reached into the back pocket of her jeans and offered something to the brunette.

Effy paused and taking the pill leaned in to Emily 'You're full of surprises' she shouted over the music.

'Yeah well you know what they say…it's always the quiet ones'

Laughing the girls swallowed down the pills and resumed dancing, happy to be able to escape their problems with each other.

As the hours flew past they continued to move in time with the music oblivious to almost everyone around them. A loud voice near her ear caused Emily to turn as she was greeted with the sight of a very drunk Pandora and Thomas who began to dance next to their friends. The redhead grinned as she watched Pandora fall into her boyfriends arms after an overambitious spin, turning to Effy she shouted 'You alright?'

Effy nodded but before she could respond the smile disappeared from her face as she looked past Emily and towards the door behind her. Turning the redhead stopped her dancing as she scanned the buzzing crowd, then she saw them them. Freddie…and Naomi.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six **

A million thoughts came crashing into Emily's mind as she stared at Naomi. The first thought she was able to process asked what the hell Naomi and Freddie were doing here together. The second thought told her that she had to get out of there as soon as possible. Looking back to Effy they exchanged a silent agreement and turned in the opposite direction, quickly cutting through the dancing crowd and back into the garden.

As the cool air hit her skin Emily shivered involuntarily and running her hands through her hair she took a few deep breaths as she watched the usually calm and collected Effy doing a similar thing. Where the garden had been full of people earlier it was now eerily empty, the only sounds coming from the house behind them. As Emily bent down and picked up two unopened bottles of something from the floor she was aware of the ground suddenly spinning beneath her, though she couldn't decide if it was due to the alcohol pumping through her system or the shock of seeing the girl she had been trying to avoid so desperately. Reaching out as she stood back up she felt Effy attempt to steady her unsuccessfully, and pitching forward she fell awkwardly against her friend and only a conveniently placed tree stopped them dropping to the floor.

'What the hell are you two doing?'

The voice caused the girls to jump, realising the slightly compromising situation they had ended up in. Pushing herself off the brunette she stayed facing away from the voice and instead chose to open the drinks and take a long sip from one.

Effy took the other bottle and looked at her. Emily looked right back, as if they were both daring each other to acknowledge the presence of the two figures standing near-by.

It was Emily who spoke first, surprised herself by breaking the tension. Not turning around she whispered just loud enough for the others to hear 'What do you want?'

The words had come out more venomous than she had intended, the alcohol in her system refusing her the ability to tone down her emotions.

'Can we talk?'

Emily wished she could have said no, but deep down she knew she could never have turned down the chance to talk to Naomi no matter how angry she was. Finally turning she saw the blonde and for a moment all the pain was forgotten as she took in the beautiful sight before her. It only lasted a second and soon she felt the crushing hurt return as she remembered the humiliation of the other night.

Offering Effy a last comforting look she whispered 'Good luck'

Unable to read the expression on Effy's face she walked towards Naomi and motioned for the blonde to follow as she led them away from the noise of the house. Pausing as they past Freddie the redhead looked him dead in the eye 'Don't hurt her'

The boy blinked in slight shock at the uncharacteristically forceful words, before nodding to show her he understood the thinly disguised threat, and moved to let the girls aside.

Aware the blonde was following Emily directed them towards the bottom of the garden and away from prying eyes. Leaning against the fence she took a long drink, choosing to focus on the ground rather that look at the blonde, as she waited for Naomi to speak.

'I'm sorry'

Emily couldn't contain the bitter laugh that escaped as she snapped sarcastically 'Well that's okay then. I forgive you'

She looked up now and saw the look of hurt flash across the blonde's features but

Emily refused to feel guilty. She'd spent so long chasing after Naomi only to be pushed away and rejected time and again and she couldn't help but wonder if loving someone was supposed to be this hard. This painful.

'I know I fucked up Ems…'

Naomi found herself quickly cut off as the redhead angrily pushed herself away from the fence and into Naomi's personal space 'No I don't think you do' she screamed finally allowing her emotions to come rushing to the surface 'You humiliated me Naomi. After everything that's happened between us; Pandora's party, the nights we spent just talking and just being…the lake…' Emily's voice wavered slightly as the memories pulled at her heart 'I thought you cared about me…and all you could say was 'No' in front of everyone!'

Emily was shaking now as she felt rage pulsing through her veins and she turned her back not wanting Naomi to see the tears that threatened to erupt.

'Emily…I've spent every second since that night wishing that it had turned out differently' the blonde began her voice quiet and unsure 'I've run every possible scenario through my head and it just reminds me how much I fucked up. I know I can't never apologise enough but…'

The redhead felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to face the other girl as she continued to speak 'I'm scared Ems, I don't know what this means for me…and seeing Katie there, with everyone watching, I was…terrified'

Emily swallowed trying to take in everything she was hearing and before she could really process it the words left her mouth 'Do you love me?'

The tension that filled the silence clung to Emily as she found herself holding her breath. She watched the blonde frowning, clearly thrown off guard by the question and when there was no reply she repeated her question this time looking directly into Naomi's eyes 'Do you love me?'

Naomi quickly averted her gaze 'It's not that simple…'

'Actually I think it is' Emily bit back taking a step forward.

Nervously the blonde tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as if it would buy her some time, taking a deep breath she didn't reply.

'You know what I'm sick of this Naomi. I put everything on the line for you because I thought you felt the same but if you can't even admit that you have feelings for me now, with no one else around then I think you're making yourself pretty clear' Emily screamed as she launched the bottle she was holding towards a near-by tree enjoying the sound it made as it smashed against the trunk.

'Emily…'

'Don't' the redhead whispered 'Just don't. I got kicked out of my fucking home Naomi, did you even know that?'

'What? They kicked you out because you're…'

'Gay? Yeah…so now I'm living in some shitty hotel room and you know the most fucked up part about it? The whole time the only person I wanted to see was you and you can't even admit to yourself what you feel'

Naomi sighed tilting her face to the sky as if searching for answers 'I do care about you Emily but…there's so much more to it' the blonde replied trying to plead with the girl in front of her as she clasped their hands together 'I know I'm not supposed to care about what other people think but I do. Loving you…it's…there's so much more to it and I don't know if I'm ready for that'

Emily shook her head as she untangled her hands from the blondes 'I fought so hard to get close to you, I risked everything for you but I guess I was stupid to think you'd risk everything for me'

'No…Emily, please just listen…I'm sorry…'

Taking one last look at the beautiful girl before her, she wished she could ignore the tears flowing from the blonde girl's eyes. Instead stepping forward she closed the gap between them and leaning into the blondes body she placed a soft kiss on her lips. Closing her eyes tightly she willed herself to remember every last detail that was Naomi as she felt the other girl respond, pulling back she ran her finger tips down the side of the blondes face memorising the soft feel of the skin.

'Goodbye Naomi'


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Storming through the house Emily cut a path through the mass of bodies, shoving people aside till she reached the front door. Throwing it open she ran down the steps and across the drive before finally reaching the pavement, where she collapsed against the front wall. Breathing heavily she sank to the floor and wrapped her arms tightly around her legs as she lent her head against the cool bricks.

Struggling to process everything that had just happened Emily tried to focus on the fact that she had done the right thing, even if it felt wrong. She had given up so much for Naomi and it felt as though all she had gotten in return was rejection and pain, and she'd finally had enough. She needed Naomi to want her as much in return and if the blonde wasn't ready Emily knew they would both just keep getting hurt but she couldn't help but wish things had been different. She wished her family were more accepting and that Katie wasn't so self-centred and bitchy, she wished Naomi could be brave and stand by her side but most of all she just wished that she could show people that being gay, loving Naomi, didn't change who she was and didn't give them a licence to judge. It tore the redhead apart that people she didn't know, that she may never meet, would judge her or even hate her purely on the basis that she liked girls and that these kinds of people where part of the reason Naomi was so afraid.

Standing the redhead let out a frustrated scream and lashed out at a nearby wall, slamming her fist against the brick she winced feeling the skin tear as it connected with force against the rough surface.

'Fucks sake' she muttered angrily to herself

As she turned away from the wall she found herself face to face with Effy, who looked equally upset. The redhead wished she could find the words to comfort her friend but nothing came, instead she was taken back as the brunette moved towards her and wrapped her arms around the twin in a tight embrace. Returning the gesture the two girls stood taking solace in each other as sounds from the party echoed around them.

Breaking the hug the brunette sniffed and smiled thankfully at Emily.

'Shit night?' Effy asked quietly

'Shit night' Emily began 'But it's still early, wanna get out of here?'

Effy nodded but remained quiet as she allowed the normal shy twin to lead them away from the house. They had been walking for a few minutes before she spoke 'Wait. Where are we going?'

'I have no idea…anywhere away from here' the redhead replied the double meaning evident

Effy looked at the smaller girl and taking a deep breath she smiled 'I know a place'

------------

The music was pounding from the speakers and the club was already full to bursting point by the time the two friends arrived. Grabbing Emily's hand Effy managed to manoeuvre through the crowd and towards the bar. She quickly got the attention of the guy behind the bar and ordered a round of drinks while Emily discreetly slipped two pills from her pocket and passed one to the brunette, desperate to drown out the memories of earlier.

Looking around the packed club the redhead couldn't help but grinned as she observed the vastly underage crowd. The venue was on the outskirts of the city and was well-known for its relaxing approached to underage drinking, and knocking back a second shot the twin was never happier such a place existed. As she felt the various substances she had plied her body with for the night begin to take effect once more she relaxed and let go of the sobering anger burning inside of her. She glanced over and Effy and saw the tension beginning to dissolve from her as well, and grabbing her bottle from the counter she motioned for the brunette to follow.

Carving their way through the dance floor the two girls began to dance wanting to lose themselves as they had before, and for a while they did. Arms flung in wild abandonment to the beat they let the world slip away only concentrating on each other as their inhibitions floated away. But unlike the house party this club seemed to be full of guys unable to control their hands. Emily was vaguely aware of people dancing around them and occasionally found herself forced to bat away a few wandering hands, as she tried to lose herself in the music she realised they were attracting a lot of attention. Taking a glimpse at her friend she watched as the brunette swayed unaware of the effect she was having on the male population of the club. Emily laughed as Effy linked their hands together and let out a happy shout, pulling the redhead away one crowd of guys and into the one surrounding Effy.

Dancing closely the redhead could feel the heat coming from the bodies of those around her, as well as the eyes of those watching. Throwing back her head she continued to move to the beat as she felt someone moving behind her. She was surprised as she felt a set of arms encircling her waist, moving in time with her, but will the chemicals flowing through her she was simply happy to dance.

It wasn't until she felt a hand roughly grabbing her shoulder that she turned around to face the mysterious stranger and was surprised to see a girl, slightly taller than the redhead and with long dark hair and very angry look on her face. Confused Emily frowned but before she could speak she saw the other girls lips move. Unable to hear her above the pounding music Emily shook her head 'What?'

'I said' the girl repeated, jabbing a finger into the twins chest 'That'.Boyfriend'

Stunned by the aggression she looked back to Effy who had noticed the commotion, and reading Emily's look stopped dancing and came to stand behind the smaller girl.

'You alright Ems?'

'She's fucking won't be if she doesn't keep her slutty hands off my boyfriend' the angry girl spat, glaring at Emily.

The guy in question moved to pull his girlfriend back 'Amy, come on. It's harmless'

Aware of the scene they were causing Emily took a step back, comforted by the presence of Effy, and let out a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding. She was thankfully when she felt Effy link their arms together 'Come on, lets get some air'

Nodding the redhead allowed herself to be directed away from Amy and followed her friend outside to the smoking area. Lighting up a cigarette Emily shook her head and muttering for the second time that night 'Fucks sake'

'Oi!'

A voice from behind made her jump, dropping her cigarette she turned to see Amy marching out of the club and towards them.

'Where the fuck do you think you're going?' came the shout 'you think I'm just gonna let you walk away from me you skank?'

Momentarily speechless Emily spotted the boyfriend rushing out closely behind and couldn't help but see he wasn't actually that good-looking anyway even he had been her type. Distracted by her thoughts she was pulled back to reality as the two stopped in front of her.

'Listen, they were just dancing…'

Abruptly cutting off Effys attempt at reasoning, the brunette winced 'Fuck off! You were practically humping each other. I saw you'

'Seriously…he's not my type'

For a second Emily thought she'd gotten through to the other girl but before she could breathe any kind of sigh of relief she saw something spark in Amy's eyes.

'What's that supposed to mean? You saying my boyfriends ugly?' the dark haired girl shouted 'Or are you a fucking dyke?'

Emily couldn't help but react; clenching her jaw she felt Effy's hand on her shoulder but the calming gesture was nothing for the sudden anger boiling in her stomach ''

Amy laughed as she looked the Emily up and down in disgust. That's when something snapped. Looking at this stranger Emily saw the embodiment of everything that had been causing her life to go so wrong. She was the parents would couldn't accept her; she was the sister who was trying to ruin her but most of all she was all the people standing in the way of her and Naomi's relationship.

Almost unable to control her own actions Emily clenched her already bruised and battered hand into a tight fist and threw a punch right into the girls smug face. Connecting squarely she briefly felt the other girl crumble to the hard floor, her boyfriend to slow to catch her.

Shocked Emily watched the scene play out in slow-motion before she felt Effy grab her by the wrist.

'Come on'

The urgency in Effy's voice made the redhead jump and turning she noticed two bouncers rushing their way. Swearing she took one last look at the girl, now being comforted by her boyfriend, and together the two fled away from the club and into the darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Taking a quick sip of vodka to numb the pain she smiled gratefully as Effy entered the small hotel room carrying a bucket of ice and placed it on the table by the bed Emily was sat on. She watched as her friend wrapped the ice in a towel making a fresh ice pack, then cringed she pressed it against her swollen hand.

'Eventful night' Effy remarked as she took a seat next to the redhead and began to roll a spliff.

Sighing in agreement Emily flicked on the television, eventually settling on an old horror film she glanced at the clock. _5.45am_. The responsible voice in her head couldn't help but point out it was a college day tomorrow but a much louder voice told her one day really wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things, especially after the week she'd had.

Accepting the spliff with her good hand she inhaled deeply, relaxing as she felt the smoke fill her lungs. The sounds of screaming coming from the television drew Emily's attention and she rolled her eyes as she watched a blonde damsel in distress struggling away from a badly made monster of some sort.

'Bet she wishes you where there to save her' Effy smiled, cracking a rare joke 'One right hook and he'd go straight down'

The redhead let out a small chuckle before looking down at her bruised hand, flexing the fingers she grimaced. Emily knew it had been wrong to hit the girl but couldn't deny the fact that it had felt good, really good, as though it had been the final turning point in realising she wasn't going to take anymore shit from anyone.

'It's not funny' the redhead replied trying to keep the smile from her face 'I could have really hurt her'

Ducking to avoid a pillow that came flying her way the twin yelped 'What was that for?'

'Just making sure you haven't turned into Wonder-Woman or whatever…'

Laughing Emily threw the pillow back at her friend, narrowly avoiding the spliff she was holding, before lying back on the bed. A comfortable quiet descended on the room, the only sounds coming from the television.

Looking sideways at Effy the twin debated whether she should ask the question that was brewing inside her, but before she had time to thinking about it anymore she heard herself blurting it out 'It should make a difference when someone loves you, shouldn't it?'

Emily continued looking at the brunette as a look of confusion clouded her face before being replaced by the normal stoic expression 'Should it?'

Not expecting such an unenthusiastic responds she pressed on 'Of course it should…I just don't understand…'

Emily trailed off, afraid she was getting to close to home for Effys liking, and not wanting to alienate her only real ally she fell quiet simply observing the other girl.

The words were quiet but intense as Effy looked at the screen in front of her, unable to meet the gaze of her friend 'Things aren't always so straight forward, there are…complications, risks…'

'I know that but…isn't love of all things worth taking the chance?'

Effy shifted uncomfortably, taking a final toke from the spliff she turned to face the twin 'What if all it does it cause you pain? You let someone in and they just break your heart or you break theirs…it makes you weak, needing someone like that'

Emily frowned as she thought of Naomi and how afraid the blonde was of being in a relationship with her, and she couldn't help think that maybe it wasn't just other people's looks and what was being said about her that was scaring her, maybe it wasn't just about what it meant to her sexuality. What if she was afraid of getting hurt as well?

'But how do you know it's gonna be like that? I mean if you just push people away…doesn't it get lonely?'

Effy smiled bitterly 'Beats getting hurt'

'But you're hurting now' the redhead replied raising her voice slightly as she challenged the girl next to her 'If you're so afraid of getting hurt by loving someone shouldn't it hurt less to be alone? It's just…its like causing yourself a different kind of pain, that doesn't make it any easier and you just end up hurting other people as well. Why don't you just take a chance? Did you ever think it might actually make you happy?'

Effy frowned as she looked at Emily's damaged hand 'Are you happy...being in love?'

'At least I took the chance' Emily stated hearing the other girl scoff in response 'I know you're afraid, but if you could forget about all the negative stuff you're holding on to I know Freddie could make you happy'

'Sure you shouldn't be saying all this to Naomi' the brunette bit back defensively as she heard the truth in her friends words.

'I have…' Emily replied sadly averting her gaze 'You know you two should really spend a day together sharing cynical world views you could both have a really shit day, I'm sure you'd love it'

The tension was broken slightly as the two girls laughed together. Emily picked up the bottle of vodka from the side and took a long drink before passing it to Effy.

'How do you do it?' the brunette asked accepting the bottle 'You make it all sound so simple…'

Emily shrugged 'I guess it's easier looking at something from the outside, I just see two people who are in love and it makes sense to me that you and him should be together' the redhead smiled before adding bitterly 'Nothings keeping you guys apart'

Effy placed her hand over Emily's and gave it a comforting squeeze 'Coming from someone on the outside…it's obvious she loves you'

'I risked everything for her…so why can't she be brave and…'Emily trailed off.

Effy watched the girl try to calm herself and her own thoughts where drawn to Freddie, was this how he felt? He'd lost Cook and JJ all because he loved her, and here she was trying to convince herself that they didn't belong together when it was obvious she loved him.

Emily watched her friend and could practically hear the rush of thoughts storming the normally collected girl, looking at the clock she smiled and nudged the brunette from her thoughts 'College starts in a bit'

'What?'

'You should go…see Freddie'

As though a switch had been flicked in her brain Effy leapt to her feet making the other girl jump. The redhead watched her friend gathering her things, which pretty much consist only of a jacket and pair of boots, and seeing Effy reach the door she grinned as she turned to face the twin.

'You're welcome' Emily laughed echoing Effy's words from the night that had first spent together 'Now get going!'

Hearing the door shut Emily stood up from the bed, with no intention of going to college today she changed into her pyjamas and turned off the lights enjoying the feeling of sinking into the clean crisp sheets. She smiled to herself as thought of the surprise Freddie was in store for at college but couldn't help the heavy feeling weighting on her chest as she wished it was Naomi who was rushing to see her. Feeling the prickle of tears Emily shut her eyes and allowed herself to sink into an uneasy sleep, dreaming of the one person she couldn't seem to forget.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing. The comments are awesome and I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this story so thank you, thank you, thank you! **

**Chapter Nine**

Wincing at the brightness of the room Emily squeezed her eyes tightly shut hoping she could ignore the fact she was awake and will herself back to sleep. Unfortunately for her, a ragging hangover had other ideas and the combination of a pounding headache and nausea forced her to accept reality. Dragging herself out of the warm security of the bed she yawned stumbling to the bathroom to get a glass of water.

Staring at her reflection in the mirror she bared recognised the girl looking back. Same red hair, same smooth complexion but Emily knew something had changed and unable to look herself in the eye any longer she settled for trying to wipe off some of last nights make up that had ventured down her cheek. Raising her hand to her face she cringed, seeing the swollen mess that was her hand reminded her of all the events that had led her to be standing alone in a hotel bathroom, cold and hung-over with an overwhelming urge to crawl back into bed and hide there until someone came looking for her. Unwilling to take this welcoming but submissive option Emily drank the last of her water and decided on a shower, shedding her pyjamas she put the shower on full blast and let the warm water wash her.

Concentrating on the jets of water soothing her tired body Emily found her mind wandering. She thought of Effy and Freddie and hoped the brunette had finally managed to be as honest with him as she had been last night, she thought about Katie and wondered if her twin would ever be able to accept her for who she was, she thought about her parents and whether her home would ever be her home again. She thought about Thomas and Pandora, smiling as she remembered how happy they had been at the party. Of course, mostly she tried not to think about Naomi but no matter how hard she tried images of the blonde kept racing through her mind and she couldn't help but close her eyes as she recalled the night she had said goodbye. Switching off the shower and grabbing a towel she pushed the memory to the back of her mind determined to focus on the present.

A while later she stood dressed and ready to face the world, stepping out of the hotel she smiled at the receptionist and exchanged a few pleasantries with the friend face she had grow strangely accustom to seeing each day. She didn't really have much of a plan for the day in fact the only thing she was sure of was that she needed to keep herself busy and out of the small room for as long as possible. With the sun shining down on her she headed for the centre of town for some retail therapy, although the first stop would defiantly be a chemist as the throbbing pain in her hand continued to torment her.

------------

Browsing the shelves Emily let out an irritated grunt at the assortment of medicines in front of her, not really knowing what she was looking for she settled for some cheap painkillers and a bandage then made her way to the cashier. Trying to dig her purse from her oversized bag the redhead didn't see the other girl until it was to late, walking straight into the back of her Emily managed to trip knocking everything from the hands of both parties as well as drop her open bag on the floor. Bending down to retrieve her things as they spread across the shop floor she didn't even look up as she began to apologise.

'Jesus, I'm so sorry I didn't see you…' she began only to be cut off.

'Emily?'

Stunned the redhead looked up only to be met with an identical expression of confusion, completely identical in fact.

'Katie?'

The older twin rolled her eyes as she bent down the help her sister 'Clumsy much?'

Not replying she chose to quickly gather her things, reaching out for her phone the redhead jumped as Katie grabbed her wrist 'What the fuck is this?'

'It's nothing I just…caught it in a door' Emily stated shaking her head as she stood and tried to wrestle her hand away, wishing she had a better and more convince lie.

Hearing the terrible excuse Katie glared at her sister 'Caught it in a door, what do you think I am fucking stupid?'

Opening her mouth Emily decided against a sarcastic retort remembering the parting words of her twin the last time they had spoken she couldn't help but snap 'I thought I was the stupid one…what do you care anyway?'

Pushing past Katie she headed for the cashier and dumping her things on the counter she tried to ignore the strange look she was given. Struggling with her bag again Emily cursed as she fought to get to her money.

'Jesus Ems' Katie said as she dug a note from her pocket and passed it to the cashier.

Accepting the bag and her change from the cashier Katie led a bewildered Emily from the shop. They walked in silence towards the park and taking a seat on the grass Emily couldn't help but wonder what her sister was up to now.

'Gimme you're hand' Katie demanded as she popped a couple of the painkillers and passed them to her sister.

Emily obliged and swallowing down the pills watched her sister begin to carefully bandage her tender hand, enjoying seeing the protective side of her sister she smiled 'Thanks'

Finishing with the bandage Katie returned the smile before looking down again and watching the emotions play out on her sisters' face. Emily knew the other girl was desperately trying to gather her thoughts. She also knew she should be angry with Katie, and she was, but something about the vulnerable look on her twins face softened the anger she had been holding on to.

'I'm sorry'

Blinking at the admission Emily found herself speechless as her twin fidgeted uncomfortably.

'I know that's really not good enough but I just kinda freaked out, it's always been us y'know. The Fitch twins, and then I find out there's this whole other side to you that I didn't know about and it's like…you just changed and suddenly you weren't my Emily anymore'

'I'm still me'

Katie nodded 'I know that but…you never told me and it's like this huge part of your life and you're sharing it with someone else and you don't talk to me, and I just wanted it to stop, for you to be my sister again. I thought if I did what I did, I could stop everything changing but it just made me see how much it sucks to not have you with me. I can't…I can't lose you'

Shocked Emily watched her sister as tears began to fall down her cheeks, reaching over she pulled her into a tight hug 'You will never lose me'

'I'm already losing you though…we never talk anymore, not like we used to. It's like I'm just watching you turn into this new person with this whole new world and I don't know if I have a place there'

'You will always have a place in my life' Emily began as the two moved apart and she brushed away the tears which continued to fall 'You just have to understand Katie, I'm not you. I can't be your shadow any more but that doesn't mean I don't want to be in your life, I do, I wanna be little old ladies together holding up the queue in the supermarket and…tricking the grandkids into thinking we're each other'

Laughing Katie looked at her sister 'Promise?'

'I promise'

Caught of guard Emily found herself falling backwards as her sister pulling her into a fierce hug, knocking them to the ground. Giggling she felt Katie move to lie beside her.

'But I need you to know this isn't a phase and I'm not doing it for attention. I am gay Katie, with or without Naomi'

The other girl was quiet for a moment and nervously Emily wondered if she was about to regret her honesty.

'I know' the response was quiet but sincere

Rolling on to her side to look at her sister she noticed a serious look cloud her expression 'What?'

'I just need you to know that…' Katie paused here she too rolled to face her twin You're really, really gay Ems' as 'Like super-gay…'

Katie burst into laughter as her twin playfully slapped her arm pretending to be insulted before giggling. Lying back down the two were quiet for a moment as they watched the clouds, their arms linked together as they enjoyed the comfortable peace.

'Love you Ems'

'Love you too Katie'


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Emily felt the searing pain stabbing at her side and as she desperately tried to catch her breath. Leaning against the doorframe she could feel tears streaming down her face as her legs give way underneath her, weak from trying to support her body as she lost control, and found herself helplessly falling to the floor unable to stop the inevitable impact with the hard floor.

'Stop fucking laughing at me!' Katie bellowed as she glared at her sister crumpled on the floor in hysterics 'You won't get any popcorn'

From her position on the floor Emily looked up as Katie, complete with cartoon pyjamas and fluffy pink dressing gown, attempted to shake the bag of salty goodness menacingly. Giving up on this plan the older twin opted to throw it at the other girl instead and hitting her squarely in the face she grinned triumphantly.

Struggling to compose herself Emily picked up the bag and tossed in back in the direction it had come from still enjoying the memory of seeing her normally cool and restrained sister dancing madly to some cheesy pop song coming from the television and using a bar of chocolate as a microphone 'Okay, I promise I'll be good' the redhead managed as she fought to keep the grin from her face.

Katie quickly changed the channel before flopping down on the bed and gesturing for her twin to join her 'Good. Now what's in bag, oh god you didn't rent The L Word did you?'

'Funny' Emily replied sitting next to the other girl and showing her the collection of goodies she'd been out collecting. As her sister started to delve through the bag Emily smiled to herself and dug her cigarette tin from her bag to start rolling a spliff.

The twins sat in a comfortable quiet occasionally passing the spliff between them as Katie, after much deliberating, finally decided on something to watch. As the opening credit rolled the two girls got comfortable on the bed.

It wasn't long however before Emily became aware of her sister fidgeting next to her and throwing nervous glances in her direction.

'What is it Katie?'

'Nothing' came the quick reply as the normally loud twin pretended to be engrossed in what was happened on screen.

'Katie?'

After a pause the other girl turned to face her sister 'I really am sorry'

Emily couldn't help but roll her eyes as she leant against her sisters shoulder 'You know I think you might have broken the record for most times anyone's said sorry in one afternoon'

'I know…but I am sorry, I just don't get how you can forgive me so easily'

The redhead thought about it for a moment before replying 'Because I know why you did what you did, and even though you went about it the wrong…worst way, I can't be mad at you for wanting to keep me close'

She looked up and saw her sister smile 'You tell anyone I'm nice I'll have to kill you, you know that right?

Emily laughed and mimed zipping her lips 'You're secrets safe with me. There is one thing though Kats…'

'What?' came the worried reply.

'This film is fucking awful…even with drugs'

Ducking the pillow which came flying in her direction Emily giggled as her sister picked up the remote and turned the film off and began channel surfing. Settling on one of the music channels she opened two new beers and passed one to her sister.

Emily could tell that Katie was trying to think of a way to strike up a conversation about everything that had happened, and probably apologise again, so she decided to change the subject before it started 'So, you been seeing anyone now Danny's out the picture?'

'After that greasy fuck, no way…'

Emily frowned and wondered if Effy had been wrong about her sister and Freddie, and in part she hoped she had been as Emily had been the one to urge Effy to tell Freddie her feelings 'Really? I heard you and Freddie…'

'Who told you about that?' Katie snapped, avoiding her sister's eyes.

'Effy'

Katie let out a bitter laugh 'Go figure'

'You know you said you wanted me to talk to you…well it kinda goes both ways'

Katie sighed as she fiddled with the remote trying not to let her sister see how hurt she was 'We weren't together okay…not really. I mean he loves Effy, I'm not an idiot. It was just nice to have someone for a while…it's not like I've got a lot of friends and you were…gone' Emily placed a reassuring hand on her sisters arm as she listened intently to her twin 'I always knew there was nothing I could do to make him like me more than Effy but we worked for a while'

'Did you…do you love him?'

Katie scoffed at these words 'I don't now…maybe…maybe I just wanted to feel like someone needed me, it wasn't easy to pretend it was me he was in love with but somehow…I dunno, I guess we were just using each other.'

Emily pulled her sister into a hug, rubbing her back in a soothing gesture she whispered 'There are good guys out there, you'll find one. And you do have friends'

Relaxing a little Katie chuckled 'Sure, everyone's dying to know me, especially after what I did to you'

'If I can forgive you then so can they, you just need to let your guard down…show them the old Katie, the one I know.'

Sniffing Katie pulled away from her sister 'Guess you're not the only one who's changed huh?'

Emily grinned wiping away the tears from her twins face and was happy to see her smile reflected back at her. Watching Katie move away to roll another spliff she knew her sister was feeling self-conscious, not used to big displays of emotion and part of her hoped that she would make a witty joke and they could go back to watching the terrible film.

'Have you spoken to Naomi since…that night?' came the quiet question.

Feeling her voice catch in her throat she wished she could ignore the question, the memory of her last conversation with Naomi still a fresh wound on her heart 'Yeah, once'. She hadn't wanted to sound so broken but every time she thought of the blonde and how she had been forced to say goodbye she couldn't help but fall to pieces.

Katie lit the spliff and passed it to her sister quickly, hoping it would make things easier 'What happened?'

'You really want to know?'

Hearing the disbelief in her sisters voice Katie looked up and offered a comforting smile 'Yes'

Raising the joint to her mouth to take a deep toke Emily realised her hands were shaking 'There was a…party the other night. She was there, we talked…'Emily swallowed trying to stop her voice shaking as much as her hands were and was surprised to feel Katie's hand on her own, comforting her as she remembered leaving Naomi 'Whatever we were…it's over. I left her'

'Because…of what I did?'

Emily smiled at her sister 'No…sort of…That night it just proved what I already knew. She's not ready to be with me because if we're together, it means more than that y'know? People will read into it and label her and think…'

'That she's gay'

Emily smiled at her sister's blunt approach 'Yeah'

'But Naomi doesn't care what anyone thinks' Katie argued confused.

'She wants to look like she doesn't care what everyone thinks but she does' Emily reasoned watching her sister trying to work out what she was thinking.

'That doesn't make sense' the older twin muttered 'She loves you…what does it matter if she's gay or whatever, or what people think?'

'It matters to her, things are complicated you know that, just look at how Mum and Dad reacted' Emily signed fiddling with the sheets beneath her willing herself not to cry 'It's to much of a risk and I guess I'm not worth that'

Hearing the pain in her sister's voice Katie tried to control her anger, though in truth she wasn't sure who exactly she was angry at. She wanted to hate Naomi for doing this to her sister but she knew it wasn't really the blondes fault for being afraid of what people would say, especially since Katie had been the one making her life hell the last few years. It was however her fault that Emily was felling so worthless.

'You are Emily, she knows that' Katie offered reaching out to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her sisters ear 'She just needs time'

'Maybe'

The two were silent for a moment both lost in their own thoughts as they finished the spliff. Wanting to lift the mood Katie decided to change the subject slightly grinned mischievously at her twin.

'What?' Emily asked nervously noticing the look on her sister's face combined with the awkward fidgeting.

'I was just wondering..' she began desperate to ask the question that had been bugging her for weeks 'You and Naomi…have you…y'know?'

'Katie!' the redhead screeched in response

'Oh come on, if we're sharing everything…have you? What was it like?'

Blushing Emily tried to cover her face 'You really want to know?' seeing her twin nod she couldn't help the huge grin that broke out as she whispered 'Yes and it was… amazing'

Stunned Katie picked her jaw up and as she leapt at her sister she shouted 'I knew it…I fucking knew it'

Laughing as she fell backwards from the force of her sister for the second time that day Emily hoped that this was the sign that things were finally starting to turn around.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Emily slumped into her seat barely noticing anything else in the classroom as she let out a huge yawn. Struggling to keep her eyes open not even a quick slap on her arm from Katie could stop another yawn escaping as the redhead fought to keep her eyes open. Mornings were never Emily's thing but today seemed even worse. Having spend most of the night talking and gossiping with her sister she estimated she'd had maybe two three hours sleep at most, and ignoring the other students flooding in she prayed the tutorial would be over quickly.

'Morning Ems'

The redhead looked up and was met with the bright smile of Effy, hand in hand with a happy looking Freddie.

Casting a quick apologetic look at her sister Emily gestured for the two to sit down with them 'Morning'

The tension between the four didn't go unnoticed as an uncomfortable quiet descended on them but luckily before things could get anymore awkward the rest of the group arrived already engaged in a lively conversation.

Smiling at her friends Emily let their conversation pass over her head as she looked to the door, hoping to catch sight of Naomi but instead was met with the unhappy glare of one of the college's teachers entering the classroom.

'Okay…okay, quiet please. Everyone take their seats' waiting for some kind of order the teacher sighed clearly unimpressed 'Right, my name is Michaela Rubin and since Kieran has so kindly fallen ill, I'll be covering this class for the next few weeks'

The class groaned in unison and Emily noticed this new woman roll her eyes 'Yes, yes I'm as overjoyed as you are. Now if you're all done welcoming me lets get started'

Pulling a pen from her bag she handed it to Katie and then attempted to focus on the lesson. However the sound of someone hurriedly entering the room distracted her.

Looking up at the late arrival Emily felt her heart begin to race, and suddenly the fatigue she had been unable to shake was wiped away as she stared at the blonde in the doorway. Naomi.

'How nice of you to join us' Michaela stated gesturing to a free seat 'Take a seat'

Unable to stop herself staring Emily watched the other girl blush as she made her way to a seat near the back of the classroom. As Naomi passed by the twin's desk she hesitated and Emily thought her chest would explode as she struggled to contain her emotions. Looking up their eyes met but the redhead quickly averted her gaze.

Unaware of the moment that had passed between the two girls the teacher continued 'Okay, so…you guys are going to be starting a project on…' flicking through her notes Michaela seemed to find what she was looking for and pulled a face 'Life as a student'

'Jesus, how original can you get?' Katie muttered sarcastically.

But Emily barely heard as she battled against the pain seeing Naomi had brought back.

'Hey, you okay?'

Nodding at her sister Emily resisted the temptation to turn and stare at the blonde, even though she could feel the gaze of the other girl on her back.

'Right, so in pairs you'll need to submit a presentation to the rest of class at the beginning of next week on anything to do with student-life, and I beg you please think outside the box. I don't want to sit through identical talks on alcohol and sex'

Cook seemed helpless to let out a cheer at this, causing the rest of the students to laugh.

'Well I'm glad you're all so enthusiastic. Cook I presume? Your reputation precedes you…'

The boy grinned but was cut off from any smart remark he could burst out with as Michaela raised her hand 'Okay, every write their name on a piece of paper and pass it to the front'

Frowning Emily did as she was asked along with the others, and soon a pile of papers sat on this new teacher's desk as the students looked at her apprehensively.

Picked up the first piece she read out the name 'Cook'

Jumping from his seat the boy cheered and as though winning some prize jogged to the front of the room 'Yes miss!' he responded saluting.

She managed to ignore Cook and instead reached for a second name 'Harry?'

An unimpressed looking Harry silently raised his hand, not moving from his seat.

'You'll make a lovely couple' Michaela chuckled as she motioned for Cook to join his new partner.

Emily laughed as Cook, less than enthusiastically, took his new seat. Turning her attention back to the front she listened as Michaela proceeded to pair off students and Emily couldn't help but laugh as Katie was paired with an over-excited Pandora.

'Be nice' she whispered as her twin moved to sit with the strange girl.

Watching the two interact for what was probably the first time Emily missed her name being called and it was only a subtle nudge from Effy that got her attention.

'Emily?'

Nodding the twin decided against moving and instead looked expectantly at the piece of paper Michaela was unfolding. It suddenly struck Emily that she was probably about to be paired with a complete stranger and the thought made the quiet girl uncomfortable, since the incident at the club was still top gossip at the college, and glancing around the room she tried to predict who she might end up with. Scanning the faces her eyes landing on a familiar blonde and suddenly getting stuck with a stranger didn't seem so bad.

'Emily and…'

Like the announcement of a competition winner the silence seemed to stretch on forever, and Emily found herself unable to look away from the piercing blue eyes that captured hers.

'Naomi'

'Jesus' Emily whispered as she span around in her seat to face the teacher. Opening her mouth to protest the twin found her words deserting her.

The shocked look of her friends didn't go unregistered and Emily half-hoped Naomi would complain about the pairing, but as the redhead felt the other girl drop into the seat next to her she knew that wasn't going to happen.

Emily closed her eyes as a barrage of thoughts hit her at once. On one hand she would do anything to spend time with Naomi again, to talk and laugh as though nothing had happened but she had tried to cut her ties to the blonde for a reason and she knew they couldn't pretend everything was fine between them. Memories of the lake mixed with the night at the club and the party and as hard as the twin tried to push them to the back of her mind the presence of the girl next to her was to strong and her head began to spin.

'No way…'

An angry voice broke Emily from her thoughts as she saw her twin glaring in her direction.

'Is there a problem?' Michaela queried looking between the group of friends.

Katie hesitated as she seemed to debate blurting everything out to this newcomer and so when no one answered Michaela shook her head in confusion 'Good, that's sorted then'

Emily frowned at her sister who simply shrugged and turned back to Pandora.

Sitting side by side neither Emily nor Naomi spoke both replaying the events of the last time they had spoken. The noise of the other students served to fill the silence but the tension still hung between them and Emily eyed the clock willing it to move faster.

Noticing Naomi scanning the room Emily instantly regretted the words which tumbled out of her mouth before she could think them through 'Embarrassed to be seen with me?'

The look of hurt that flashed across the blondes features was brief but was replaced by a defeated look 'Emily…'

The redhead sighed, she had missed the way the blonde said her name and if she was honest with herself she was more than gratefully to hear it again. Facing Naomi she couldn't help but get drawn into the piercing blue eyes she had fallen in love with and for a moment she allowed herself to remember the happier times they had shared.

Falling into silence again Emily wished she could say something, anything to make this easier but all she wanted was to hear the bell so she could escape the classroom that seemed to be getting smaller by the minute. Being in such close proximity was only reminding Emily how much she wanted, needed to be with her and feeling the heat radiating from the body next to hers was driving her crazy, pushing out the strong determined voice that had spoken the other night and ended things with the blonde.

The walls she had been building around her wounded heart seemed to be crumbling and she willed herself to stay strong, to remember that she was doing the right thing even if it felt wrong.

Naomi fidgeting in her chair under the intense gaze of the twin and looking up at the girl she opened her mouth to speak but found herself interrupted.

'So girls, any ideas yet?' the bright voice was out of place as it cut through the tense atmosphere.

Emily watched Naomi let out an annoyed grunt and couldn't help but do the same, they had been so close to starting an actually conversation Emily was pretty sure she'd have hit anyone else that dared interrupt them.

Instead she simply shook her head 'Not really Michaela…'

Pointing to a badge on Naomi's bag she smiled 'What about something to do with top-up fees?'

Naomi shrugged but glared at the woman 'Sure'

'You'll find a lot of information about it…' she began but seemed to suddenly sense the displeasure at her arrival. Michaela smiled and moved swiftly to the next pair.

'Emily…' Naomi started only to find herself cut off again. Letting her head roll back she staring at the ceiling in annoyance, feeling the twin stand as the bell rang.

'So um…if you just email me whatever you find I'll put it together…' the redhead babbled grabbing her things 'Or you can do it….whatever…'

'Emily' the blonde repeated placing a hand on the redheads arm to get her attention 'Can you just stop for a minute please? Can we talk?'

Ceasing her actions the twin looked up and softened a little at the other girls hopeful look 'Meet me in the library after lessons, we can get a head start'

Naomi nodded, while it wasn't exactly what she'd had in mind but she was grateful 'Okay'

As Emily went to leave she paused barely hearing the quiet words that come in her direction.

'I missed you'

'I missed you too Naomi'


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- Thanks to everyone for the reviews, I'm so happy people are enjoying this story : ) for some reason this chapter was really hard to write but I think it turned out okay in the end. As always please let me know what you think, all comments and criticisms welcome!**

**Chapter Twelve **

Emily had been stood outside the library for the last ten minutes and checking her watch for what was probably the tenth time in a minute, she exhaled loudly as the hands ticked round and pointed firmly to 4.50pm. She was late.

Looking around the redhead noticed that most of the students had long since gone and normally she would have been one of the hundreds bolting for the exit as soon as the bell went, but not today. Today she had to face Naomi. Slowly pushing her way through the doors she entered the quiet building not sure whether she hoped the blonde would be there or not. In truth the redhead didn't really know what to expect from Naomi, she'd played so many mind games already that the redhead couldn't help wonder if the blonde hadn't simply changed her mind since this morning and not turned up at all.

Walking past the empty rows of computers Emily found the quiet inside the college's library strangely comforting, a reliable atmosphere that seemed to say maybe some things do stay constant.

Tucking a stray hair behind her ear Emily headed for the back of the library, knowing that's where she would find the blonde. As she approached one of the tables isolated in the corner she spotted the other girl. With her back against the twin she looked deep in concentration, books spread studiously before her, only someone who knew her well could tell otherwise and would spot her nervous gestures.

Emily stood feet planted to the floor as she watched the blonde fidgeting in the hard plastic chair, and could help but smile as Naomi kicked off her shoes so she could get more comfortable, one of the blondes many adorable habits that Emily had discovered in their short time together.

Taking a deep, calming breath Emily approached the table and clearing her throat let out a small whisper 'Hey'

'Hey…I thought you might have changed you're mind…' Naomi smiled apprehensively as she spun round in her seat to greet Emily.

Emily shook her head and throwing her bag to the floor she slumped into the seat opposite the blonde. Picking up one of the books she managed to avoid looking at the other girl as she pretended to be engrossed in the text even as the words blurred together.

Sinking into an awkward silence the two girls flicked through the books on the table, Emily noticed Naomi occasionally making a quick note but found herself unable to concentrate. Stealing glances at the blonde she couldn't fail to notice one of the bracelets jingling around with the many others Naomi wore, it was a cheap friendship bracelet Emily had won at the arcade and given to the blonde. It made her smile to realise that at least a part of her was still with Naomi, that maybe she was still in her heart.

The only sound in the room was the clock ticking by, counting the wasted moments, and the redhead wished this could be easier. That she could forget how much she was in love with the blonde opposite her, that she could forget the pain and arguments and let the past lie. She had been telling the truth earlier when she had told Naomi she had missed her. Emily liked just spending time with the other girl, away from everyone else she could be the person she wanted without anyone judging her and since she'd cut Naomi from her life she just felt alone and lost. Even with Effy, and now Katie, around there was a gap in her life, an emptiness that only Naomi could fill, and being here with her was only making it harder to remember why they couldn't be together, even if it was only as friends.

Trying to silence her racing thoughts the redhead focused on the words in front of her determined stay strong. She would always want something more with Naomi and if the blonde didn't feel the same Emily knew she couldn't lie to herself and act any differently. She'd taken the risk, been brave and to give in now and let Naomi back in would only be taking a step backward.

'Ems...you okay?'

Jolted away from her train of thought the twin looked up into the piercing blue eyes of the girl opposite 'Fine. I'm fine'

'Okay, it's just…'

At that point Emily felt the warmth of the blondes hand sliding under hers, and looking down at their interlocked hands she frowned noticing the fading bruise that still stood out against the paleness of her skin, the only remaining evidence of her outburst the other night.

Enjoying the comforting touch Emily turned her head away from the blonde, closing her eyes as she felt the gentle caress across her damaged hand.

'What happened?'

The question pulled Emily back to reality and facing the other girl she offered a small smile as she disentangled their hands 'It doesn't matter…'

'Of course it matters, you're hurt'

'You didn't seem to mind when you where the one hurting me' Emily snapped unable to control her temper.

Flinching the blonde tried to fight the tears threatening to erupt 'I never meant to hurt you Em, you have to believe that. I'm sorry, I really am'

Emily softened as she saw tears beginning to face down the other girls face 'I know you're sorry Nai…but this isn't about forgiving you, you know that'

'Yeah I know but…I miss you, like all the time. I just wish we could at least talk…be friends again'

Emily sighed, running a hand through her hair, 'I can't just be you're friend okay? I love you and I can't hide it anymore, I won't. It's too difficult'

Standing Emily moved from the table unable to stand the intensity that had surrounded them and leaning against the coolness of the library wall she took a deep breath trying to relieve the stress building in her body.

Closing her eyes Emily felt Naomi stand and feeling the other girls presence as she moved across the room she was sure the blonde was now directly in front of her.

'I can't lose you'

Even in such close proximity the words where quiet and if they had been anywhere else Emily didn't think she would have heard them.

Opening her eyes she was met with the sad gaze of the girl she loved, and lifting a hand to wipe away a stray tear the redhead felt Naomi bring their foreheads together, cool skin pressing together a stark contrast to the fire in their hearts.

Emily could feel Naomi's breathe against her mouth and closing her eyes once more she felt the emptiness she had been trying to shake disappear Naomi wrapped her arms around the smaller girl.

'We can't…' the redhead whispered battling to regain control of the situation.

Pushing her arms against Naomi's body she forced her eyes to open as she broke contact, the emptiness returned as soon as felt the blonde step back.

Glancing around the dim room Emily struggled with the urge to ignore what her brain was telling her and instead give into her instructs and kiss the blonde who was staring at her.

'We can't do this. I can't...I love you Naomi, and I know you love me, but I won't hide in the shadows anymore' Emily whispered the words catching in her throat as she felt herself begin to shake 'I've done that all my life, I've always let people push me around, just stayed quiet and been the good girl but not anymore. I want to be with you but not if it has to be a secret'

The silence echoing around the room told Emily all she needed to know and pushing past Naomi she hastily snatching her bag from the floor and ran from the library unable to look at the blonde, knowing that if she did her resolve would crumble.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N – Thanks again for all the reviews, they are really helping keep me motivated to write more and update quicker. Hope everyone likes this chapter, maybe a little darker than previous ones but don't worry more Naomily coming soon!**

**Chapter Thirteen**

Closing her eyes against the swirling bright lights Emily felt her inhibitions slipping away as the alcohol merged with the blood pulsing through her veins taking her away from reality. The music in the club was loud enough to drown out the voices Emily had been battling in her head since she had seen Naomi, and the pills she had taken earlier were slowly replacing the painful feelings from earlier with a sense of freedom and pleasure. Emily was determined to block out everything, even if it was only for tonight she needed to be free from the pain that was building up inside her.

Seeing Naomi, being so close to her, had only brought back memories Emily had tried to block out since see had said goodbye on the night of the house party. She desperately wanted everything to stop; to just go away if only for a moment and the only way the redhead knew to do this was to get monumentally wrecked. And so the evening found her drink clasped in hand, arms flailing above her as she swayed in time to some unknown song alone in a mass of people. As she felt the heat of those around her the redhead was aware that she probably wasn't the only person there to escape.

Emily smiled as she felt the bass vibrating through her helping her lose herself in the music. As she became less aware of everything around her she felt herself let go, even as the twin felt the hands of a stranger running down her sides she simply allowed them to continue, the drugs in her system helping her enjoy the feeling of someone wanting her, even if it was only for a drunken fumble.

Finally opening her eyes she was unsurprising greeted with the face of an intoxicated young guy. Emily couldn't fail to notice he was good-looking and probably someone a lot of the other girls in the club would have been interested in but laughing inwardly she wanted to let him know that unfortunately no matter how hard he tried to seduce her he would be getting little more than a flirtatious dance. As he moved closer the twin held back a grimace, not wanting to hurt his feelings, and brought her arms down to ward him away. Turning her back to him she continued to dance but he didn't seem to take the hint.

Conscious of his close proximity Emily decided to move but even before she could she felt his hands on her hips as he pressed against her. Emily sighed in frustration, annoyed he was ignoring her signals she gently pushed him away hoping he would find some other girl to bother but part of her knew this guy was a little more determined than that. Looking across the dance floor she locked eyes with a girl dancing close by, who smiled in return with a questioning look at the guy currently grinding behind the redhead.

Emily watched as the girl slowly made her way towards her, gracefully cutting through the sweaty bodies that were packed closely together. Coming to a halt in front of the twin she grinned and Emily found herself drawn into her dark, almost black eyes as she felt the other girl's intense stare. Without stopping her movements Emily returned the stare to her potential rescuer and was rewarded as the other girl stepped closer wrapping one arm around the redheads neck she the pulled their two bodies together, using her other arm to firmly shove the guy still dancing behind away.

Sinking into to the arms of this strange girl Emily shivered as she felt a hot breath against her ear and straining to hear above the thumping music caught the soft voice state 'I'm Abby'

'Emily'

As they danced together Emily was oblivious to the stares of those around them and when Abby linked their hands together and tugged the redhead away from the crowded dance floor her focus was only on the girl leading the way outside.

The cool air outside was a refreshing contrast to the inside of the club and enjoying the drug induced high Emily let out a laugh matched by the dark haired girl as she guided them away from the loud club and down the road and into a quiet alley.

Emily stared at the other girl, the only sounds now came from the occasionally passing car in the distance, and the atmosphere was charged as the brunette moved forward. Licking her lips Emily mirrored the other girls' actions, then taking the lead she moved her hand up and gripping Abby's cheek she brought their lips crashing together. She heard the other girl moan into the kiss then gasped as she felt herself being manoeuvred backwards against the brick wall.

As the kiss intensified Emily shut her eyes tightly and willed herself to take comfort in the other girl's touch, the girl that wanted her, even if it was just for tonight, she wanted her. Trying to block out the thoughts of Naomi that flashed through her mind she fought for dominance and flipping the girl around took control. As she felt the strangers hands moving up to undo the buttons on her shirt so couldn't stop the images of the night she spent with the blonde flash through her mind. The touch of the brunette was so different, rough and almost uncaring, but Emily allowed her to continue.

Abby broke the kiss and grinned at the redhead unaware of the turmoil her mind was in; she pushed Emily back against the wall and began to kiss her neck as her hands reached their goal.

Eyes staring at the starless night sky Emily felt the tears prickling at her eyes as she wished she could give in to the brunette's touches, but although her body reacted her mind was somewhere else. She wanted so badly to let this other girl take her, to replace the touch of Naomi that still lingered on her body reminding her of what she would never have.

'Emily?'

The sound of name being shouted in the distance didn't register at first; the redhead was too lost in her own misery.

'Emily!'

But the second more worried repetition brought her back to the moment as she looked up and saw the figure of Effy standing at the entrance of the alleyway. Abby, oblivious of the intrusion, continue to kiss and suckle at Emily's neck as her hands worked under her bra.

Effy moved towards the two, noting the empty look in the redheads eyes 'Stop'

The firmness of Effys tone seemed to reach the new girl and she finally ceased her actions looking up in confusion 'What the fuck? Who are you?' she asked angrily. Looking between the two friends she seemed to weight up the situation 'What is this?'

When no response came she let out a disbelieving laugh and turning she pushed past Effy and left the alleyway without saying another word.

Emily sunk to the floor her back against the cold wall, clutching her shirt and wishing she could just disappear 'What are you doing here Effy?' she whispered unable to look at her friend.

The brunette was quiet for a moment as she took a seat next to her friend, wrapping comforting arm around her 'Stopping you from making a big mistake'

Effy ignored the bitter laugh the twin let out 'Look, you helped me so…now it's my turn to help you okay? Sleeping with that girl isn't going to change how you feel about Naomi'

'At least she wanted me' Emily tried, though her reasoning sounded weak, even to her.

'For what, a quick fuck? That's not you Emily'

The redhead flinched at the boldness of the word but gritting her teeth she bit back 'Really? So far, it seems like its all I'm worth…just some girl not good enough to…'

Feeling the words catch in her throat she stopped, but the tears refused to fall as if she had nothing left. Effy wrapped a comforting arm around her friend and pulled her tightly into a hug 'You know that's not true Ems'

Feeling the redhead sag, energy depleted, into her Effy continued 'It's not easy for Naomi but everyone can see she loves you and that you mean everything to her. She just needs time to understand everything'

'But I can't stand it…I don't want to feel that me loving her is something which is causing her pain'

'It's not that…she's just finding a whole new part of herself, give her time, it'll be worth it'

Emily nodded as a wave of exhaustion swept over her as the day's event seemed to hit her all at once.

'Come on, lets get out of here' Effy said as she got to her feet. Reaching her hand out she felt Emily clasp it and carefully pulled the redhead to her feet. Wrapping an arm around the smaller girl Effy hugged her close as the two emerged from the alley.

'Eff, where are you going? The hotels this way' Emily stated as she tried to direct them towards town.

Effy shook her head as she continued walking in the opposite direction 'No. You're staying at mine and before you can say it…you're welcome'

Emily let out a chuckle at the familiar words as she allowed Effy to guide her away from the empty room she had been hiding away in and into the warm of her home.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N – First of all, sorry about the delay between updates but for some reason I had a really tough time writing this one! This chapter is kind of a shorter, filler before the next Naomily based chapter which I will try to post in the next couple of days : ) **

**Also a massive thanks for all the reviews, I wasn't a hundred percent happy that the last chapter came across as intended. It was meant to be Emily starting to realise Naomi is the only one she wants and that she's worth the wait. **

**Anyways enough rambling, as always please read and review!**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Emily smiled as she leant back against the tree, the warmth of the early morning sun helping to clear the memories of the night before and she was surprised to find herself more relaxed than she had been in weeks. As she sat and listened to the noise of the other students who were milling around before the start of lessons, the sound of someone approaching and sitting next to her caused the redhead to lazily open an eye and she was greeted with the smiling face of Effy Stoneham.

Emily yawned as she pulled herself away from her quiet reverie and grinned at the other girl, still wishing she could find the words to let her friend know how thankfully she was to her for everything she had done over the last couple of weeks.

'Here' Effy chuckled passing a can of red bull to her friend 'Looks like you might need this'

Gratefully accepting Emily found herself praying for the hundredth time that morning for a miracle that would cancel lessons, the redhead could think of nothing less exciting than sitting inside all day listening to boring teachers surrounded by a mass of students still intent on staring and whispering about her when they thought she wouldn't notice.

Taking a long calming drink she made room for Effy to lean next to her and the two gazed across the packed field at the other students enjoying the sun and freedom before the bell rang.

'Thanks Eff. I think I'm gonna need a case of this to stay awake today' Emily giggled as she downed the rest of her drink 'Are you sure we can't just hide under a duvet instead…'

'Love to. But unfortunately I don't think my mother would be so happy with the idea'

'Probably not' the twin agreed lighting a cigarette for each of them

Taking a drag Emily looked at her friend debating the question that had been weighing on her mind since she had first opened her eyes that morning 'Eff…' the twin began, slowly exhaling, before ducking her head and trying to ignore the blush creeping across her face 'I know I probably don't have to ask, but…what happened last night, can we just keep it between us?'

Hearing the other girl chuckle Emily looked up and was met with a comforting smile.

'You're right you don't have to ask' the brunette responded as she playfully nudged Emily 'Just promise me one thing…'

'What?' Emily asked nervously as Effy turned to face her.

'No more getting freaky in alleyways with strange women?' Effy asked light-heartedly 'I mean, I like you…but I'm not sure I want to see that much of you again'

'Funny' Emily replied, glad for her friends' blunt approach though the serious message underneath was not lost on her 'I promise'

Effy nodded, happy with the answer before flicked her cigarette away and glancing around 'Where is everyone today anyway?'

Glad for the change in conversation, Emily stubbed her own cigarette out 'No Freddie?'

'Nope…he's with JJ and Cook. I think they're trying to sort some stuff out, figured it was best to give them some space' Effy replied taking a drag 'What about Katie?'

Emily shook her head 'She said something about a history trip…I'm guessing that's where Thomas and Pandora are too'

'Huh…'

Emily found herself bracing in anticipation of her friends' next question.

'What about Naomi?'

Looking down at the ground and fiddling with a blade of grass the redhead shrugged 'What about her?'

'Have you spoken to her recently?'

Emily shook her head, not ready to discuss what had happened in the library the other day 'No, I guess she's just busy or whatever'

Effy could see the twin was holding back but knew that whatever the reason it wasn't her place to push, Emily would talk to her when she was ready. Stretching she sighed as the sound of the first bell indicating the unwelcome start of lessons rang across the field.

Both girls let out an unenthusiastic grunt and slowly pulled themselves to their feet.

'Well I better go…I've got a free period but I'm supposed to be meeting Jen to work on our tutorial project'

Glancing in the brunette's direction Emily raised an eyebrow 'Is that supposed to be some kind of hint?'

'Course not' Effy winked as she picked up her bag and swung it over her shoulder 'But you can't avoid her forever'

With that the brunette grinned and headed off towards the library leaving the redhead to her thoughts once more.

As she watched the other girl disappear amongst the mass of students Emily let out a long breath. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out her mobile and after staring at it blankly for a few moments made a decision.

Scrolling through her contacts she hesitated, finger posed ready to make the call, before changing her mind and instead composing a quick text. She bit her lip nervously as she re-read her words. Letting out an annoyed grunt she deleted it, throwing her phone to the ground in frustration.

Emily sighed remembering how easy it used to be to talk to Naomi, to send her little messages or jokes and now she couldn't even manage a pointless text about college.

Retrieving her phone the twin began to make her way towards college, still staring intently at the screen, waiting for inspiration to strike, she didn't notice the other girl heading for the door and promptly collided with her.

'Jesus' came the shocked voice as Emily struggled to keep hold of her balance and her phone.

Looking up the redhead had to laugh at her own luck as she was met with the piercing blue eyes of Naomi.

The two fell silent, staring at each other awkwardly.

'Hey…I was just about to call you' Naomi started, breaking the tension as she smiled and waved her phone at Emily 'Which ironically…meant I didn't see you…'

'Jinks' the twin replied mirroring the blondes actions and trying to ignore the surprised look that briefly crossed the other girls face before being replaced with a grin 'So, are you free later? We still need to work on that project…didn't exactly get anything done last time…'

Blushing slightly the blonde nodded 'Sure…I could meet you in the library…

The sound of a bell ringing drew the attention of both girls who looked equally unimpressed at being interrupted.

'Fucks sake' Naomi muttered looking apologetically at the twin.

Emily nodded in agreement 'Yep, okay…meet me after class?'

'Okay'

With that Emily watched the blonde as she offered a quick wave and disappeared in the mass of students heading for class.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N – A massive thank you to people for sticking with this story, hopefully everyone is still enjoying it. I'm loving writing it (reviews help!) I've spent a longer time on this chapter than any other and I'm finally happy it so please let me know what you think. **

**I know this story has quite a slow pace (that's how I like to write) but Naomily is coming so thanks for being so patient! :D **

**Chapter Fifteen **

Flicking her half smoked cigarette in the bin Emily struggled to suppress a yawn as she headed towards the library, the exhaustion of the late night before gradually catching up with her as the effects of the energy drinks she had been chugging all day wore off. As she approached the entrance the redhead hesitated a sudden wave of nerves making her stomach tighten as images of the last time she was here with Naomi flashed through her mind.

Taking a deep breath the twin exhaled slowly and after composing herself she pushed through the glass doors and entered the building.

Emily winced as she was met with a wall of sound instead of the comfortable silence she had come to expect. Glancing around she saw the library was full of students and rolled her eyes as she saw the hapless librarian trying to keep control with no luck.

'Jesus' she groaned under her breath as she watched two guys from her English class chasing each other around one of the stacks.

Heading to one of the only free tables the redhead dumped her bag down and slid into the hard plastic chair, cringing as she felt her back protest. Pulling out her notebook Emily jumped as a girl behind her let out an ear piercing shriek that the twin presumed was intended as a flirtatious laugh. Already irritated Emily checked her watch hoping Naomi would appear soon.

'Jesus' came the unhappy voice, on cue, behind her.

Turning awkwardly in her seat Emily was relieved to see Naomi walking towards her, though the blonde looked more than unimpressed at the other inhabitants getting in her way. As the other girl took a seat opposite her Emily chuckled as the librarian ran past them pleading with one of the students to stop whatever he was doing.

For a moment the two shared a smile forgetting the troubles between them as they observed the chaos.

As Naomi pulled her books from her bag Emily couldn't help but sigh internally as she found herself gazing at the blonde, unable to resist the lure of the girl she loved. Emily smiled as she observed the blonde, who was as beautiful as ever, and as much as the redhead wanted to deny it her feelings for the other girl were still overwhelming.

Blinking hastily as Naomi looked up, the twin hoped she had not been caught staring and quickly turned her focus to the books in front of her.

'So, I found some stuff online' Naomi began handing the twin a bunch of pages, giving no indication she had noticed the redhead's musings 'Should be pretty useful…'

Nodding Emily took the papers and flicked through them, desperately trying to keep herself from blushing. Before she could reply however the sound of high pitch laughter broke out, echoing through the small library and causing both Naomi and Emily to cringe.

'I can't do this' Emily suddenly burst out, grabbing her books and shoving them into her bag as she stood.

Naomi jumped in her seat, startled as she watched the other girl 'But…what…I thought we were…' she tried, confused by the redhead's apparent change of heart.

Ignoring the blondes awkward babbling the twin shook her head as she pointed towards a group of girls giggling in the corner 'There's no way I can sit here and listen to that'

Throwing her bag over her shoulder Emily turned to the blonde and frowned, finding her still sat in her plastic seat with a confused look on her face 'Well…you coming?'

Emily hid a grin as she watched the blonde gather her things, a bewildered look on her face replacing the upset expression.

Making her way to the exit of the library Emily felt the blonde fall into step with her as they pushed through the large glass doors and into the bright sunshine, and let out a sigh of relief as she looked around the college grounds and found them pleasantly empty.

'You alright?' Naomi asked nervously as she glanced sideways at the twin.

'I am now' Emily replied smiling as she faced the blonde 'Come on'

The redhead could feel her agitation disappearing as she enjoyed the quiet of the outside, leading Naomi across the courtyard she headed for the field and finding a suitable space Emily dropped to the floor. Resisting the urge to pull the blonde down with her she simply grinned and patted the ground 'See, much better than a stuffy library'

Naomi returned the grin and followed suit, sinking slowly to the grass 'Much. So, we actually gonna do some work then?'

Rolling her eyes Emily realised she had missed the blondes voice almost as much as she had missed staring at her 'Fine, fine'

Passing papers between them the two girls got to work and were pleased to find that in the calm of the outside it was much easier to piece everything together, and it wasn't long before most of the work was done and Emily found her attention wavering. Although they had been able to work comfortably together now that they were all but finished she could feel the tension seeping back between them, and pretending to be reading she watch Naomi starting to fidget opposite her.

Emily wracked her brains for something to say but although she had spent most of the day planning for this exact moment her memory failed her and she couldn't help but think she would have been better off paying attention to her lessons that day. However she also knew that something about the blonde would always capture her attention before anything else.

'You alright Ems?' Naomi queried, slightly amused at the strange expression on the twins face.

'I was just thinking…'

The blonde frowned but couldn't help but ask 'About…'

Knowing she had been busted the redhead blushed 'You'

'Oh'

Emily looked down, having been hoping for a more engaging response, she tried to think of something witty to say to hide her disappointment.

An awkward silence hung between the two and Emily almost wished she had stayed quiet, but a voice in her head reminded her that she was not going to be silent and that she had told Naomi herself that she wouldn't hide away anymore.

'I'm not…I…' frowning at her inability to speak her mind the redhead took a deep breath as she looked up, locking eyes with the blonde 'I wanted to say that…I'm sorry'

Naomi blinked in shock, not sure she had heard correctly 'What do you have to be sorry for?'

'I guess…for trying to force you to be okay with all this. I was…am, so in love with you that I didn't want to stop and think about anything. I wanted so badly for us to be together' the redhead let out a bitter laugh 'I was so busy thinking about us, I forgot to think about you. I was selfish and…'

Emily found herself cut off abruptly 'No, Ems you can't think that. You weren't being selfish, all the times I…kept leading you on and then running away if anything I was being selfish…'

Both girls stopped and shared a look before bursting in to laugher, breaking the tension between them.

'Are we really arguing about who is that most selfish?' the twin asked as the laughter subsided.

Naomi nodded smiling as she looked at the redhead 'At least we're talking about something…'

'Agreed' Emily chuckled, before looking seriously at the blonde 'But I do mean it, I was so sure about how I felt, I should have asked you how you were feeling. I knew you were…struggling…but when we spent that night together at the lake and after you came to my house, I thought everything was going to be okay. And then, it was like…nothing. I was so frustrated, angry…and then everything that happened at the club with Katie…'

'But that wasn't your fault' the blonde interrupted 'I should have said…something, anything but I was terrified'

'And I get that I do, I just…I was expecting to much'

At this Naomi shook her head, almost in anger 'No, you weren't I gave you every reason to expect what you did'

'Maybe' the twin smiled 'I was so angry…it took me a long time to…understand…actually it took Effy to make me see that…

'Effy?' the blonde interrupted again 'As in Effy Stoneham Effy?

'Yes Effy, can I finish?' Emily joked

'Sorry' said the blonde, miming zipping her lips.

'What I said before, at the party, I don't know if I can just be you're friend' the twin began, trying to ignore the crushed look that swept across Naomi's face 'But…I know that I can't not have you in my life, I need you and even if it's only as a…friend, I can't just let you go so I want to…try'

Looking down Emily found herself unable to look the blonde in the eye, scared that she would be reject again, that she had pushed the blonde to far away.

'Emily…' Naomi whispered 'Emily, look at me…'

Feeling the blonde move closer Emily felt her breathe catch in her throat as the blonde reached out a hand and cupped her cheek, lifting her face so they were staring intently at each other 'I want you in my life too…and I still don't know what that means for me, but I do know that whatever it means, I want you by my side…'

Emily felt a thudding in her chest and she was sure the other girl could hear it, as a thousand thoughts raced through her mind causing her heart to race. She honestly didn't know if the two of them could be just friends after everything that had happened between them but she was willing to try and even though it had taken someone else to show her how much she needed the blonde she'd never been more sure of anything in her life. She needed Naomi and though she didn't know if the blonde would ever be able to except how she felt Emily knew she would wait for the blonde for as long as it took, that part of her would always be waiting.

'Thank you Emily' the words were spoken so quietly that the redhead almost missed them 'After everything, I know it's hard for you to forgive me but this is my second chance and I'm not gonna screw it up okay? We'll be okay'

Emily smiled at Naomi as she saw tears begin to fall down the other girls face, and as the blonde pulled her into a tight hug she felt an overwhelming sense of relief and allowed her own tears to fall as the two girls held each other close.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N – Sorry about the massive delays in updates recently, I'm in the process of moving so I'm really disorganized and busy atm. But hopefully everything will settle down soon! So thanks for your patience and of course reviews, now on with the story :) **

**Chapter Sixteen**

Emily was in world of her own as she strolled along the pavement a small smile playing on her lips as she replayed the afternoon's events in her head. She had been more than apprehensive about seeing Naomi but now she felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Although she knew things weren't going to be easy between them, Emily knew she needed the blonde and was glad to have her in her life once again, even if it was only as a friend. The redhead sighed as she recalled Naomi admitting she needed her too and couldn't help but wonder if they really could be just friends.

Shaking away the negative thoughts that had crept in the twin checked her watch quickening her pace as she noticed she was late to meet Effy. As she rounded the corner she spotted the brunette leaning against a wall smoking and wondered briefly how Effy managed to look so effortlessly cool.

'Good afternoon was it?' the brunette asked grinning as she observed her friend, flicked her cigarette away.

Trying to hide her smile Emily shrugged nonchalantly as she leant next to the other girl 'It was alright…'

Feeling Effy's inquisitive sideways glance the twin tried to stifle a giggle. Something about the brunette made Emily feel as though she didn't even need to tell her what had happened, that she somehow knew everything just by looking at her.

'So you spent the afternoon with Naomi and it was 'alright'?' the brunette replied, and Emily could have sworn she heard her rolling her eyes.

'Uh huh'

'Sure, and I'm secretly shagging your sister'

Spluttering Emily quickly turned to face her friend, who was grinning like a Cheshire cat, but before she could say anything a voice behind her made her jump.

'Yeah, you wish'

Turning Emily cringed as she watched her sister approaching, not exactly in the mood to act as peacemaker between Katie and Effy the redhead wished she could think of an excuse to leave but when nothing came she was stuck between the two, as an awkward silence lingering between them.

Risking a glance at the brunette Emily was almost sure she saw her bit back an undoubtedly scathing response as was more than thankfully for small mercies.

'What is it Kats?' Emily asked quickly before either of the other two girls could open their mouths, hoping her friendly approach would ease the tension 'You alright?'

'You've got your phone off you mong'

Raising an eyebrow Emily couldn't contain the unimpressed sigh that escaped at her twins reply. But she did notice that even though her sister wasn't being the nicest person right now, something about the tone in her voice seemed different, softer somehow.

'I think I'll leave you two alone' Effy offered as she pushed herself away from the wall 'Call me later Ems?' and with that the mysterious girl was gone, leaving the two sisters gazing after her.

As her twin took Effy's place next to her Emily managed to fish her phone from her bag 'Oh…battery's dead'

'What were you doing with her anyway?' Katie questioned ignoring the explanation as her eyes stayed trained in the distance where Effy had disappeared.

Shrugging Emily ignored the look of disgust on her sisters face 'She offered to let me stay with her for a while…hotel rooms aren't the most fun y'know'

When Katie didn't replied she couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable, and when Katie offered her cigarette but was unable to look at her, Emily knew something was up. Though they'd never really the whole psychic twin thing right now Emily could feel the weird vibes coming from her sister.

'What?'

'Mum just rang…she said she's been trying to get hold off you' Katie said watching her sister's reaction closely.

Emily blinked in surprise, not really processing the words at first. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting to hear but she was pretty sure it wasn't that. She hadn't heard from her parents since the night she had left, or more accurately been forced to leave. No calls, no messages or letters. Nothing. Frowning she struggled with the wave of emotions that came flooding through her as she remembered the look on her parents faces the last time she had seen them and found herself unable to picture them looking any other way than they had that night. Disappointed, angry, hurt and all because they had finally found out how she really was.

'Oh'

It was more of a sound than a word and though Emily tried to maintain her composure she knew how broken she sounded and cursed herself inwardly wishing the mere thought of her parents wouldn't upset her the way it did.

Looking down Emily felt her sister move closer and smiled as the other girl took her hand and intertwined their fingers together 'They want to see you'

'Oh'

Frowning Emily tried to imagine what her parents wanted, but each scenario that popped into her head was more horrible than the next. What if they wanted to send her away somewhere? Or try and 'straighten her out'? What if they never wanted to see her again?

Emily knew she couldn't handle another argument like the one before, and besides having the freedom the last few weeks had made her a different person. Sure she missed her family, her home, but she also knew she couldn't go back to how things were and try to be someone else to please her family. She had made her mind up long ago that if her parents couldn't accept her for who she was then she couldn't be around them. She wasn't willing to hide who she was anymore.

'I'm on your side y'know?' Katie whispered breaking the redhead from her thought as she squeezing their hands together.

Looking up Emily was met with the determined face of her twin, smiling the redhead realised just how different their relationship was now, and was grateful that at least one positive thing had come from all this. Even if it did mean her parents were against her she had never felt closer to her twin 'Thanks'

'I mean it, whatever happens, I'll be with you. I know it shouldn't have to be like this…but if I have to choose, I choose you'

Emily pulled her sister into a tight hug, nearly knocking them both of balance 'Have I told you how much I love you recently?'

'Nothing says love like new shoes' Katie joked as the two separated.

Slapping her sister on the arm Emily grinned 'I'll remember that'

Jumping as the sound of her phone ringing broke the sisterly moment Katie groaned and pulled her mobile form a pocket, answering it quickly 'What?...Oh hi mum…'

Looking up the twins locked eyes and Katie gestured for Emily to move closer, allowing her sister to listen in on the conversation.

'Have you spoken to your sister yet? Is she coming?'

Hearing her mum's voice for the first time in weeks Emily felt a lump rising in her throat, swallowing hard she look at Katie and nodded slowly.

The idea of returning home was less than appealing but knowing Katie would be will her made it much easier, and she knew that sooner or later she would to face her parents.

Katie paused 'Um…yeah…she's coming, we'll be there later…around seven?'

Finishing the call Katie hung up before looking at her sister 'You sure you're ready for this?'

'No' Emily replied shaking her head as a wave of nervous washed over her 'Really not, but I can't put it off forever…do you think we could still pull off a twin-switch?'

Katie chuckled trying to keep the mood light 'Probably not…besides I don't think I'm quite ready to pretend to be gay even for you'

Sticking out her tongue Katie burst into laughter before her sister replied in a serious tone 'Oh really…you stared after Effy for long enough…something you wanna tell me sis?'

Springing away from her twin Emily laughed at the shocked expression on her face 'You'll get stuck like that' she joked backing away slowly as she waited for a reaction.

In a flash Katie snapped her mouth shut, trying to hide her grin she rushed forward to her sister how managed to evade her grasp.

'Have to catch me first!' Emily yelled laughing as she broke into a run.

Emily was determined to enjoy the time she had left before she would have to face her parents, and as she felt her sister's beginning to catch her up she let out a giggle, gratefully that at least her sister would be there standing by her side.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

Emily stood staring at the familiar door of her house as flashes of the last time she had been here raced through her mind. Feeling an arm wrap around her shoulders the redhead smiled as she looked towards her twin, and felt a surge of strength knowing her sister was at her side. So many things had changed for Emily in the few weeks since she had last seen her parents and the redhead could only hope that her parent's attitude had also changed in her absence.

The truth was neither girl knew what to expect. As they stood staring at the door Emily focused on tried to suppress the voice that kept telling her she wouldn't be welcome back here after tonight, while Katie willed herself to stay strong for her sister's sake.

As they both took a deep breath, it was Katie who raised her fist and knocked on the door, the loud sound echoing around the deserted street.

'Into the lions den we go…' muttered Emily as she looked around nervously; wishing she'd had that last cigarette to calm her instead of worrying that her mother would smell the smoke on her.

Chuckling inwardly at the irony of caring about what her mother thought of her smoking the redhead jumped as the front door swung open.

'Ems!'

The loud shriek made both girls laugh as their little brother threw open the door and came running out of the house quickly wrapped his arms around Emily's middle in an uncharacteristic display of affection towards his older sibling.

'I bloody missed you bitch' he shouted, his bad language drawing a small slap from Emily as she hugged him close realising just how much she had actually missed her little perv of a brother.

'I missed you too James'

As the small boy let go of her Emily smiled at her twin but saw her attention was focused solely on the figure standing in the doorway. Following her sister's gaze Emily felt her chest tighten as she saw her mother standing and watching them.

It was Katie who spoke first as she moved towards the house 'Hi Mum'

'Hello Katie…Emily, come inside. You too James'

Following her two siblings inside Emily paused as she crossed the threshold, the tension in the air making her feel like a stranger in her own home. Her mother had given nothing away so far, and Emily still felt on edge expecting to be ostracised at any moment.

As they entered the kitchen Emily watched her mum take a seat next to her Dad at the long dining table, before gesturing for her to join them.

'Hi girls' Rob Fitch spoke up acknowledging his daughters.

'James, sweetheart, go to your room please' Jenna asked calmly, giving the young boy a stern look as he went to argue.

'Fine' James sulked as he spun round and made his way past the twins and upstairs.

'Emily take a seat…Katie perhaps you'd like to keep your brother company?' Jenna continued, making it obvious this was less of a request and more of a demand.

A flash of fear running through her Emily went to protest before her twin cut her off 'No, I'm fine right here thanks mum'

'Katie…'

Before Mrs Fitch had a chance to continue, Emily watched Katie take a seat at the table, her determined glare focused on their mother as she motioned for Emily to sit next to her 'I'm staying'

Hiding the appreciative smile that she desperately wanted to give her sister Emily took a deep breath and sat down. Unable to meet her mothers gaze she opted for a quick smile towards her Dad and was rewarded with an affectionate 'Hey kiddo'

For a moment no-one spoke, each waiting for the opposing side to start. Emily watched her parents closely hoping she could somehow predict what they were going to say. Her Dad seemed more relaxed and she was happy he at least had offered her a friendly greeting; her Mum on the other hand was sat stiffly in her chair, her expression tense.

'How have you been?'

Emily wasn't sure how to answer her mother's question, it seemed innocent enough but something about the tone made the redhead suspicious and in truth after everything that had happen she wasn't sure if it was an easy question to answer in any circumstance.

Looking down at the table Emily bit her lip as she replied softly 'Okay…I'm okay'

'Good' her mother said briskly.

'Listen Kiddo…' all eyes snapped to look at Rob as he spoke 'There's no point dodging around the subject, your Mum and I have been talking and we think…we think it's time you came home'

Emily could practically feel her sister's happiness radiating from the seat next to her and as she glanced sideways she saw the massive smile that had broken out across her twin's face. Emily on the other hand frowned, she wished she could be as happy as her twin but something told her that it couldn't be this easy.

Though her Dad seemed genuine enough as the redhead observed her mother she realised that the decision for her to come home had probably not been a mutual one.

'What do you say Ems?' her Dad asked as he leant across the table and placed his hand on top of hers, squeezing it affectionately.

'I…you want me to come home? But…' Emily felt a slap on her leg as Katie glared at her 'Are we not even gonna talk about what happened before?'

'Emily' Jenna's voice cut through the air like a knife 'I don't think we need to talk about that do we. It was all a mistake, isn't that right?'

'A mistake…' the normal shy twin questioned as she felt her mother staring at her intensely 'What was a mistake, kicking me out or…'

'The whole thing Emily, I know you were upset…that you felt that you needed to do something to distinguish yourself from you're sister, to get attention but-'

'Attention, you think I did this for attention?' Emily whispered the pain evident in her voice.

'Why else would you say that…say the things you did?' Mrs Fitch barked 'I'm your mother and I'm telling you, you are not gay Emily'

Emily felt her chest tighten but refused to let her mother try to control her 'It doesn't matter what you tell me Mum, it doesn't change the fact that I am gay'

A bitter laugh erupted from her mother and Emily flinched 'Look, we invited you here tonight to sort this out okay. Now are you going to stop all this…stupid behaviour…and come home?'

'Why are you being like this?' Emily burst out, slamming her fist down on the table and making everyone jump 'I'm still Emily…what does it matter if I'm gay of not?'

'Because you're not gay!' their mother shouted back before turning to Katie 'And you…how can you stand by your own sister and watch her telling these lies, ruining her life?'

Katie was quiet for a moment as she looked between her Mum and Dad 'How can I stand by her?' she whispered in confusion 'How can you not? She's your daughter it shouldn't matter who she loves, it should only matter that you love her enough to accept her for who she is'

Emily was stunned by her sister's words and couldn't help but wrap an arm around her, hugging her gratefully.

'You're right Katie love' Mr Fitch spoke up, breaking the hush that had fallen between the family 'But it's not that easy, I had all these images in my head of your futures…I always imagined giving you two away on your wedding days, playing with the grandkids…all that corny stuff'

'Me being gay doesn't change that Dad…I still want all those things. But if you keep acting like this, pushing me away then…all it will be is images. You're my parents, you're supposed to love me and support me even if you don't necessarily agree or understand…'

'I know Ems, and we do love you-'

'Rob!' Jenna snapped, ruining the father-daughter moment 'You're not actually saying that….you're okay with this are you? That you're okay with our daughter saying she's …gay'

Emily watched her Dad closely as her turned in his seat to face Jenna 'I love all my kids and I want my family back under one roof, and if Emily is sure this is who she is…then yes, it's okay with me'

'I don't believe this' Jenna sighed shaking her head angrily 'You're making a big mistake Emily…this isn't who you are'

With that Mrs Fitch quickly stood, the force slamming her chair into the wall, and left the kitchen without another word.

Staring after her mother Emily felt tears welling in her eyes, she couldn't understand how her own flash and blood could be so cruel.

'Not that's some serious denial' Katie whispered.

Emily let out a half-hearted laugh 'Not just a river in Egypt huh?'

Ignoring the confused look on her twins face Emily turned to face her Dad. She was overwhelmed with gratitude towards him for finally standing up to their mother, but she felt awful for causing a rift between them.

'Dad I'm sorry…I didn't meant to-' she began before being promptly cut off.

'It's not your fault Kiddo' he offered sighing 'She just needs time, but I was serious about what I said you should be here at home, where you belong.'

'What about Mum?' Emily asked knowing she wouldn't want her gay daughter to stay under her roof.

'This isn't about her, besides it's our house too and we want you here Ems, right Katie?'

'Right!' her twin beamed.

'Right!' came a voice from the hallway and the three turned to see James lingering in the doorway.

'So what do you say?'

Emily grinned 'Okay…but if it's too weird, if everything falls apart, I've got a friend I can stay with alright? You guys shouldn't have to get caught in the middle of me and Mum fighting'

Emily jumped as she felt Katie pull her into an awkward hug, quickly made worse by her brother launching himself at them.

'Good to have you back love'


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N – Okay folks once again sorry about the delay between updates, but I'm all sorted now and have the next few chapters planned. This is a bit of filler I guess or the first bit of a two-part chapter before some mischief :D **

**Thanks again for all the great reviews; I'm glad that the pacing is okay. I was a little concerned for a few chapters that people might be getting bored but I prefer a slower (hopefully more realistic) style of writing. If everything happens to quickly it's not very believable and I wanted to go into detail, particularly in the earlier chapters. **

**Without further babbling…**

**Chapter Eighteen**

Emily let out a content sigh as she flopped back on her bed, wrapping the duvet around herself she grinned as she closed her eyes breathing in the familiar smell of home. The sound of the bedroom door opening wasn't enough to tear her away from her comfortable haven and as she ducked her head under the covers she hoped she could stay hidden forever, just enjoying how good it felt to be back in her own space.

'Emily…for fucks sake, you said you were getting ready!'

Katie's shrill voice cut through Emily's calm moment and she found herself forced to return to reality. Slowly pulling the duvet down and poking her head out she observed her sister, stood in the middle of the room, hands on hips, with a stern look on her face. Hiding her giggle Emily rolled her eyes, trying to think of an excuse as to why she was in bed rather than rooting through her wardrobe for party-appropriate outfits.

'Are you going to spend every minute of the day in bed now?' her twin complained a grin just visible as she turned and began delving through the draws of the dressers.

Emily chuckled as she dragged herself into a sitting position and watched her sister's frantic efforts to find a suitable outfit. It had been a few days since she had moved back and although things were still tense with her mother Emily was more than happy to be home, and had taken every chance she could to enjoy being out of the hotel room she had spent so many nights in.

'Did you at least shower?' came her twin's muffled voice, and not waiting for an answer continued 'Where's that fucking…my fucking top? Ems?'

Rolling her eyes the redhead gave in to the realization that she was going to have to get up and pulling herself to her feet she made her way across to where her sister was now rummaging through the wardrobe. Bending down she pulled something from the pile of clothes next to her twin 'This one?'

Grabbing the top Katie offered a quick thank you before hurriedly changing 'Well…you getting ready then?'

Emily paused for a moment and after contemplating diving back into her safe haven she groaned as she accepted it was time to get ready.

A little while later both twins were dressed and as Emily watched Katie apply the final touches to her make-up she hesitated 'Katie…are you sure about this? I mean if you want we can just stay in, I mean Effy and Freddie and going to be there…together...'Emily emphasized as she found herself trailing off, surprised when her sister didn't flinch at the mention of the brunettes name.

'It's fine Ems, I just wanna go out and have a good time. I mean I think we deserve that after everything that's happened lately right? And Cook always knows a good party so…it's fine, okay? It's about time things started getting back to normal' Katie laughed as she turned and faced her sister 'How do I look?'

'Great, as always'

Hearing a knock at the door both girls jumped, looking at each other 'Who's that?'

Emily looked nervously out of the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the person below and was relieved to see the smiling face of Pandora waving up at her. She watched as the excited girl was let into the house and waited for the sound of footsteps to reach the bedroom door.

Turning to her sister she grimaced slightly hoping Katie really was going to be fine with everything 'It's Pandora, I guess she's a little early'

The small smile on her twin's face gave Emily some small glimmer of hope and as an excited knock came on the door Emily threw one last supportive look in her sister's direction before opening the door to reveal the happy girl.

'Hey Emily, you look whizzer! You too Katie…we're gonna have a bonkers night, right? Thomas says he'll have to meet us there but Naomi's downstairs, I met her-'

'What?' both twins shouted, stunning the loud girl.

'Yeah, I met her on the way so I said she could come with us. That's okay isn't it? I mean you're like, all-friendly again right?'

Not stopping to reassure her friend Emily bolted downstairs hoping to catch the blonde before her mum could get to her first. Missing the bottom few stairs Emily jumped and ran to the kitchen. As she came through the door she stopped and saw Naomi sat uncomfortably at the kitchen table.

'Naomi' the redhead blurted out as she scanned the room. Not catching any sight of her Mum Emily relaxed 'Hey…you okay?'

'Yeah…you're brother let us in. He's kinda weird you know that?'

Laughing Emily nodded in agreement relieved that Naomi hadn't had to endure a grilling from her parents, but still did not want to know what James might have said to the other girl. The sound of footsteps behind her caused her to turn and seeing Katie and Pandora she relaxed 'Okay, I think we should get out of here'

'Let the good times roll' Pandora giggled as she lead the group out of the house.

************

When the girls arrived at the house party it was in full swing, and after grabbing a drink while avoid the drunken leers from various guys, they headed to the garden hoping to find the rest of the group. A loud shout in the distance drew Emily's attention and she spotted Cook making his way over, followed by everyone else. Casting a quick glance at Katie the redhead waved the group over.

The awkward energy sparked between the teenagers, and Emily found herself quickly chugging her drink in the hope that if she consumed enough, if they all did, things would be easier somehow. As she observed her friends mimicking her actions the redhead grinned to herself.

'All right then kids, have a look a these little beauties' Cook shouted, obviously not on his first drink of the night, as he produced a baggie 'Uncle Keith was feeling generous…dig in and let the party begin!'

Accepting the pill from Effy the twin smiled and as she swallowed the drug with the last of her drink she allowed herself to believe that tonight might just be okay and that this strange group of people she called her friends would be able to sort everything out.

'Jesus Cook' Emily gasped drawing everyone's attention 'That is some fucking strong shit!'

A murmur of agreement passed through the group and Cook laughed as he suddenly picked Emily up and spun her round 'Sure is girl, figured we could all use it' he offered, unknowingly echoing her sister's earlier words.

Clinging to the boy and praying he wouldn't drop her Emily giggled as she felt the substance work its way through her system. When she was finally returned to a standing position the twin leant against Cook to steady herself and was puzzled when she saw Effy and Katie stood together in what look like a mischievous conversation.

Shaking her head Emily decided that she really must be high and staggering away from Cook and his now roaming hands the redhead made her way over to where Naomi was sat, leaning against a wall and chatting to Freddie and JJ.

'Hi Emily' JJ smiled as she sat down with them.

After exchanging a few pleasantries with the boys Emily turned her attention to the blonde, desperately trying to ignore the low cut top she was wearing 'You alright?'

'Amazing' the blonde grinned in response as she closed her eyes briefly 'That stuff is the shit…but am I wrong or are Effy and your sister acting really weird?'

'You mean like…talking and not tearing each other hair out weird?' the redhead asked as she glanced over at the two, who where still deep in conversation.

'Yeah pretty much, I expected cat fights not…whatever it is they're doing' the blonde frowned before casually adding 'Unless y'know…you're not the only twin driving on the other side of the road if you catch my drift…'

Emily couldn't help slap the blonde's leg gently as she pretended to be insulted 'Funny! It's not contagious-'

Laughing the blonde shrugged 'Fine if you want to live in denial…'

Emily resisted the urge to make a biting comment about denial, knowing that it would probably ruin the comfortable banter but couldn't help but notice the look which briefly clouded the blondes' features as she seemed to become very interested in the ground.

Before the redhead could reply however she felt a pair of arms from behind wrapping around her in a tight hug, and the twin found herself hoping she wasn't about to be molested by a certain loud friend.

As she turned her head Emily was relieved to find Effy.

'Alright Ems' the brunette grinned as she managed to pull the twin to her feet in one gracious move 'Dance with me?'

Glancing down at the blonde Emily found herself being dragged away before she could respond. Giggling the redhead allowed her friend to continue but shouted out 'Naomi…you coming?'

The blonde merely shrugged nonchalantly as she lit a cigarette, but Emily thought for a second she saw a flash of jealous cross the beautiful girls face. Berating herself for such wishful thinking the twin rolled her eyes as she allowed Effy, with her arms still wrapped tight around her shoulders, to pull her into the house and towards the loud music.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N- Okay so here's the second part, it actually ended up being a little more angsty than mischievous (and I may have given in to my Emily/Effy love a tiny bit in the process) but the next few chapters will be devoted to Naomily. So until then please don't hate me ; )**

**Anyways as always please read and reviews. Big thank you's to all those who are reviewing you make my day!**

**Chapter Nineteen**

The heat in the room was almost unbearable but that didn't stop Emily from letting out a happy shout as she and Effy danced to the pounding music blaring from a stereo somewhere. The redhead closed her eyes as she raised her arms in the air but a hand sliding slowly up her side caused the twin to open her eyes and focus on the brunette dancing closely in front of her.

The mass of bodies jammed into the large front room meant there was little space to move and the two friends had worked hard to carve out a small area among the other teenagers. Feeling someone bump into her, none to gently, Emily grunted and found herself shoved towards Effy who grinned and drew their bodies together. Emily couldn't help but let out a loud giggle as the brunette spun her around, and they continued moving clumsily the substances flowing through their systems making it less and less easy to maintain any kind of balance or grace.

Emily hesitated slightly as she caught a glimpse of blonde moving within the crowd, and turning to stand on her tip-toes she hoped that Naomi had changed her mind and was coming to dance, but losing sight of the girl Emily sighed in annoyance. She knew that things weren't going to be easy between them but she had hoped that tonight they could just relax and enjoy themselves. Yet here she was with Effy, not Naomi.

Jolted from her thoughts Emily felt two delicate arms wrap around her middle and surprised by Effy's movements the redhead couldn't help but tense slightly, a strange wave of guilt washing over her as she felt the heat of the other girls' bodies clouding her senses causing her to relax into the embrace. Silently berating herself Emily shook her head, Effy was her friend and she was doing nothing wrong by dancing with her, even if they were perhaps closer than they should have been.

Emily closed her eyes desperately trying to ignore the strange feeling that had settled in her stomach. Raising her arms in the air the redhead swayed to the beat praying it was just the mixture of drugs and alcohol that was making her feel this way but as Effy swayed along with her the redhead found herself focusing more on the brunette and less on the music.

Frowning Emily found herself fighting her body's reactions to the other girl, reminding herself that the brunette was her friend, 'Effy?' the redhead shouted over the music 'I think I'm gonna get some air'

Not waiting for a reply she turned and began pushing her way through the crowd towards the garden, she had only made it a few steps however before she felt Effy's hand slip onto hers as she followed the redhead outside.

Emily took a deep breath as a wave of frustration came crashing over her as she realized Effy had not taken the hint. She knew that her friend probably had no idea of the reaction she was causing within the redhead and that the guilty arousal she had caused was unintentional. But that didn't stop the irritation she felt.

After all that had happened with Naomi the last thing Emily wanted was to start lusting over Effy, she'd had enough pain in her life without adding more complications and, she reminded herself, a little dancing did not equal a real attraction especially with the drugs coursing through both their veins. Besides she was only human and Emily was pretty sure that faced with a seductive Effy there would be few people who could control their feelings.

Stepping outside the redhead relaxed as she let the cool air calm her and letting go of Effy's hand she took a deep breath and pushed all the inappropriate thoughts about her friend from her head.

As she accepted a drink from the brunette, not bothering to ask where she had gotten it from, Emily smiled and took a long sip, laughing inwardly as she realized the effects those pills were having on her hormones and realized it was probably time to stop over analyzing everything and just go with the flow.

'Hey guys over here!'

Glancing in the direction of the shrill voice Emily spotted her sister sitting with Naomi, JJ and Pandora. The redhead couldn't help the slight surprise that hit her as she realised her twin wasn't off trying to get her claws into some guy for once, normally at this stage in a party her twin was practically impossible to find. Yet here she was, maybe things really had changed.

'Come on' Effy commanded as she began maneuvering them towards the group.

Stumbling over her own feet as she followed Emily giggled as felt Effy reach out to catch her.

'Smooth' the brunette joked as she threw an arm around the smaller girl 'Here, hold on to me'

Before she could protest Emily felt herself nearly pitch forward again, but managing to disguise the trip this time she wrapped her own arm around the brunettes waist to steady herself not wanting to fall flat on her face in front of everyone 'Thanks'

As the two make their way over without falling down Emily felt a sense of pride and as they reached the group she sank to the ground and feeling Effy do the same she leant over and gave the girl a massive hug. Caught off guard Effy let out an uncharacteristic shriek and toppled backwards taking Emily with her and landing them in a tangled heap.

'This is a whizzer party guys' Pandora giggled as she watched her two friends.

Finally disentangling herself Emily sat up pulling Effy with her, and took a half-smoked spliff from her sister's outstretched hand, taking a long drag Emily savored the taste before slowly exhaling and passing it to Effy. The redhead grinned as she felt the brunette leaning against her, her head resting comfortably on the twins shoulder.

Smiling the twin looked over to Naomi but found her staring intently at the ground, and taking a sip of her drink which she had somehow managed to save after her and Effy's adventure, she figured the blonde had probably spent a bit too much of the party sitting outside smoking spliffs whilst she had been inside dancing in a pilled up trance.

'Naomi' the twin called over hoping to break the stoned girls staring contest with the grass 'Naomi…you alright?'

The blonde looked up but did not meet Emily's gaze, simply muttering a quick response 'Fine'

Frowning the twin decided she was probably better off leaving Naomi alone, she knew first hand how cranky Naomi got if someone killed her buzz and had the memory of cake being thrown at her to prove it.

Laughing at the memory the twin was drawn back to the conversation as her sister began to ramble about some guy she had met at college and whether he'd be here tonight, using her years of training Emily tuned out her sisters voice and took her cigarette tin from her pocket to roll a cigarette.

'Here Ems have one of mine' Effy offered. Still leaning against the twin she slid her hand into her jeans and pulled out a fag.

Casting a glance at the sorry looking stick the redhead chuckled 'Err…it's a bit…'

'Bent?' Effy grinned mischievously 'I thought that was your thing'

Swinging her hand down Emily gave the brunette a playful slap on the leg 'Funny, when did you become such a comedienne?'

Lighting the cigarette Effy grinned 'Do you want it or not?' she asked waving the now light stick tantalizingly close.

Making a grab for it Emily missed as she watched her friend sneak it just out of her reach.

'Manners…'

'Okay' Emily said rolling her eyes 'Please may I have a cigarette…Elizabeth'

Taking Effy's stunned silence as an opportunity the redhead reached out and grabbed the smoke enjoying a long victorious drag before giggling as the other girl stuck out her tongue 'You-

'Ladies!' Cook shouted breaking the banter up as he sauntered over to his friends followed by the rest of the guys 'Gay JJ! Come on, what you doing sitting around kiddies, it's a fucking party!'

Hoisting Katie to her feet the loud boy reached for Emily who obliged 'Gotta love twins' he laughed causing all of the girls to grimace at the innuendo and the twins exchanged a disgusted look before slapping his arm.

Not wanting to deal with Cook's lack of charm Emily reached for Effy as she saw Pandora jump up and being to dance with Thomas. Soon all the group where dancing to the sound of the music floating down from the house, and making quick decision Emily managed to maneuver her way across to Naomi who still seemed to be keeping her distance.

'Hey…you alright?' she tried again hoping for a more successful conversation.

'Fine' the blonde replied in a clipped tone 'You?'

Frowning the twin's mind raced as she tried to work out what Naomi's problem was 'I'm okay...is something wrong? I mean I thought-'

'Nothing's wrong…I think Effy wants you' the blonde interrupted as she gestured to something behind the redhead.

Still trying to work out if she had imagined the double entendre in Naomi's words the twin spun around and came face to face with a cheerful Effy who grabbed her hand and spun her round, laughing as they stumbled together.

Emily felt her breath catch in her throat as they stopped moving, their bodies pressed close together. She knew it was wrong but that didn't stop the wave of lust that washed over her as she felt Effy rest their foreheads together, desperately wishing she had stayed sober Emily felt her inhibitions starting to slip away. As much as she tried to control herself something about the way the brunette was staring at her made Emily think she was trying to seduce her.

A sudden movement broke Emily from her trance and she turned just in time to see Naomi storming past, bag clutched tightly to her chest as she ran past pushing people out of the way.

'Naomi!' Emily shouted after the retreating figure 'Naomi!'

Confused Emily took a step back and looking at Effy noticed the guilty expression that was now clouding her previously happy features 'Are you kidding me? Did you…plan this?'

'No, Emily…we didn't mean for, we just thought if she saw you with someone else it would-'

'We?' Emily shouted spinning round to find her sister who was watching guilty from the sidelines 'Katie? Jesus how could you?'

'Emily-'

'No Katie, for fucks sake this is my fucking life…it's not some game for you to playing about with. Do you even know what you've done?'

Throwing a disgusted look at Effy she pushed down the nausea that was beginning to rise inside her as she pushed her way past the girl. Not even bothering to look at her sister Emily sprinted from the garden and after the fleeing figure of Naomi.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N - Once again a massive thanks to everyone for their reviews, always puts a massive smile on my face and keeps me motivated! And s****o here as promised a Naomily packed chapter :D **

**Chapter Twenty**

'Naomi...Naomi! For fucks sake, will you stop?' Emily shouted as she staggered up the road after the blonde, wishing her legs would do as they were supposed to. Crashing into a fence, again, the redhead groaned inwardly wondering why she even bothered coming to these parties when they all seemed to end in disaster recently 'I know you can hear me…Naomi, don't you dare walk away from me like this'

Finally seeing the blonde slow her pace the twin looked to the heavens and sent the universe a big thank you, which she quickly retracted as she felt the heat of Naomi's anger from her piercing blue eyes as she spun round to face the redhead 'What Emily? What do you want?'

'I…I…' momentarily stunned the twin was speechless as she realized she didn't really know what she was supposed to say, she'd just followed Naomi assuming the words would come to her like they normally seemed to.

'Good, well now that's settled I'll see you around'

As she watched Naomi turn and being to walk away again something inside the twin snapped and before she could stop the words tumbling from her mouth she found herself jogging to catch the other girl up as she shouted 'What the fuck Naomi? We're supposed to be friends remember? Why do you care who I'm dancing with?'

She saw the blonde shake her head as she hesitated in her movements before she replied in a strained voice 'I don't'

'Yea, so why are you running away?'

'I'm not' Naomi said firmly as she continued to march away from the redhead.

'I really love these talks we have Naomi, always manages to clear everything up' the redhead spat at the retreating form of the blonde.

Naomi stopped dead in her tracks as she heard the venom in the twin's voice and for a second Emily was worried she had gone too far. She didn't want to hurt the other girl she just needed to know what was going on in her head and it was frustrating never knowing what side of Naomi she was going to get; the sensitive loving blonde who had poured her heart out in the park the other day or this angry, stubborn Naomi whom the redhead had to admit was starting to get on her nerves.

While Emily tried to reason with herself that she had done nothing wrong, after all they had made the decision to be friends together, another nagging voice in her head reminded her that she knew the main reason they had come to such an agreement was because Naomi was having trouble dealing with her feelings and seeing her with Effy was probably the last thing she needed.

As guilt began to creep over her Emily couldn't deny she'd been having inappropriate thoughts about Effy and as her inner conflict raged the twin didn't notice Naomi spin around and come storming back down the road glaring at her.

'You're yelling at me? After everything I just had to watch in there…you're yelling at me?' the blonde shouted her alcohol fuelled rage directed straight at the smaller girl.

'Naomi...' Emily began trying to keep her voice calm 'Look, it's not what you think okay, Effy and I-'

Before she could explain the redhead was abruptly cut off but where she had been expecting more anger from the blonde she was surprised to see tears brimming in the other girl's eyes.

'You know I'm so fucking stupid, I should have seen it earlier y'know?' Naomi began the pain evident in her now quiet voice 'It's so obvious. I mean it's Effy for Christ's sake everyone loves her'

'There's nothing-'

Ignoring the twin's attempts to explain Naomi continued unaware of the tears that had began to fall down her cheeks, 'And I mean you were bound to work out sooner or later that I'm just not worth it and it's selfish of me to expect you to wait when I can't even be honest with myself'

'Naomi-'

'I hope you guys are happy together' the blonde managed to choke out as sobs began to rack her body. Turning from the twin Naomi tried unsuccessfully to stem the rush of emotions that threatened to tear her apart 'You deserve someone who can make you happy Emily'

For a second the redhead could only stare after the other girl in a stunned silence trying to process what she had just heard, but the sight of Naomi hurriedly walking into the shadows snapped her from her daze.

'Naomi, wait…' muttering to herself Emily broke into a jog.

Gasping for breath the redhead, after making a conscious decision to quit smoking, managed to catch-up with Naomi and placing a hand on her shoulder she brought them to a stop.

'Naomi it's really not what you think' Emily panted as the blonde turned to face the disheveled girl with an uninterested look 'I've been chasing you for way to long; do I at least get a chance to explain?'

Thankfully for the small nod she received Emily took a few deep breaths as she leant against the front wall of the house they had stopped by. Indicating to the other girl to take a seat next to her, she offered a warm smile as Naomi reluctantly sat down wiping away her tears.

'What you saw back there it wasn't what you think' Emily began wishing Naomi would look at her 'Effy is my friend she's been there for me a lot these last couple of weeks but I promise you there's nothing going on between us'

Finally lifting her eyes Naomi threw the twin a disbelieving look 'That's not what it looked like from where I was'

'Effy was just messing around, she and Katie has this stupid idea that if you saw me with someone else you'd get jealous and…'

'What?' the blonde shouted her fist clenching in anger 'So this was a fucking joke or something?'

'More like a set-up I think...don't worry I intended to get my payback' Emily replied trying to calm the other girl 'I just need you to know it was just Effy being…Effy, she didn't mean to cause any trouble and I think in their own way Katie and Effy thought they were helping. But I mean it when I say I don't have feelings for Effy'

Naomi took a moment as she seemed to process what the redhead was telling her, a look of confusion passed over her face as she bit her lip 'It was a set-up but…I mean you still…you looked happy'

Emily shuffled over to the blonde and placed a calming hand on the other girls leg 'If I'm totally honest…I was happy and while it was fun being with Effy, no matter what my drunk horny self seems to think, I know that you're the only one I want Naomi, do I really have to tell you that?'

Naomi let out a small laugh as relief washed over her, and linking her and Emily's hands together the blonde smiled 'No but…still nice to hear'

Nudging the blonde playfully Emily giggled 'So we're okay?'

'Well…there's one condition' Naomi replied looking serious 'Promise not to tell Katie and Effy their plan sort of worked?'

'My lips are sealed' Emily chuckled, miming zipping her mouth shut.

The two girls sat in a comfortable silence but it wasn't long before a nagging question in Emily's mind was begging to be asked 'Naomi…' the redhead began carefully 'Where you actually like…jealous?'

Casting a sideways look at Naomi she saw the blonde bit her lip nervously, a mannerism Emily had always found adorable, 'Yea I was…seeing you with her, I guess I always hoped it would be me making you that happy y'know? All I seem to do is make you miserable'

'You don't make me miserable' Emily began feeling Naomi's incredulous stare 'Okay, okay so maybe there have been times where you're made me…less than happy, but looking back I'd still take it for all the times you've made me happy. And you have' Emily emphasized stopping Naomi's quiet bitter laugh 'You where the first person to see me as me and not the 'other other twin' and just knowing you…has made me happier because I never have to pretend around you'

Emily laughed as she turned to face Naomi who was trying desperately to cover up the shocked look on her face 'Even though it might have been the alcohol in you talking, that's…the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me' the blonde replied.

Rolling her eyes the twin shoved Naomi gently 'It's not the alcohol Nai, you should have more belief in yourself'

Smiling at the blonde Emily chuckled as the other girl pulled her into a hug, the sudden movement almost causing them to topple off the wall. In an attempt to stop them from falling the twin grabbed onto the bricks underneath her with one hand whilst the other stayed tightly wrapped around Naomi's shoulder.

Looking up Emily found herself staring straight into the familiar piercing blue eyes she loved but as the realization of how close they were hit the redhead she blushed and made to pull away, not wanting to make Naomi uncomfortable. She was surprised however to felt Naomi's grip on her tightly slightly keeping her where she was.

'Naomi…' Emily whispered confused by the other girl's actions.

'Emily' Naomi stated in response a small grin playing at her lips.

Before Emily could reply she felt Naomi slowly move her hand to cup her cheek, gently caressing her skin as she leant in and placed a soft tentative kiss on the twin's mouth.

Pulling away Naomi smiled shyly as she saw the look of hope cross Emily's face 'I can't lie and tell you I've got everything figured out Ems because I don't but…I know that it feels right being here with you'

Emily felt her heart begin to beat frantically in anticipation as she stared at the beautiful girl in front of her 'So…you mean?...'

Naomi nodded as let out a nervous breath 'I mean…I want to be with you. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy…just look at everything that's happened so far, but can we just try?'

Emily fought to contain her happiness but a grim thought clouded her mind causing her smile to fall. Noticing the other girls sudden change in mood Naomi frowned 'What, what is it Ems?'

'Do you really want this? I mean…' the redhead asked in a small voice before blurting out 'I can't be your dirty little secret'

'You won't be' Naomi reassured as she pulled the redhead into another hug 'I promise but there is one thing…'

Feeling her heart skip Emily let go of the blonde as she whispered nervously 'What?'

'Kiss me'


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N - Wow I can't believe this fic is on it's twenty-first chapter, this is the longest thing I've ever written so I just wanted to thank everyone for their supported it really helps keep me going and I know this story wouldn't have gotten this far without everyone's awesome comments. **

**Okay so this chapter has the first (and probably only) part of the story which isn't about Emily…or at least doesn't have her in it. I know I could have included more from Naomi's point of view but this is an Emily-centric fic and I wanted to focus on her but I felt this Naomi section was needed. Hope you agree, as always please review :D**

**Chapter: Twenty One**

Tripping over her own feet for what was probably the millionth time Emily giggled enjoying the feeling of Naomi's arm as it tighten around her waist to stop her from falling. Naomi for her part simply rolled her eyes playfully as she managed to keep them both standing, though she was silently praising herself for her amazing coordination and for being the responsible, almost sober, one.

Nearly missing the step off the pavement Emily stopped herself from stumbling just in time to fake some kind of gracefulness as the two girls crossed the road. The redhead realised that if she stopped staring at the girl holding on to her and concentrated on where she was going then she would probably eliminate the likelihood of falling. The problem was she couldn't help but be afraid that if she did stop focusing on the other girl then she might disappear, and Emily would find the whole thing had been some kind of hallucination and that in fact she had just drunk to much, passed out and was about to wake from this crazy dream with a searing hangover and empty arms.

'You alright Ems?' the blondes soft voice whispered breaking her train of thought.

Offering Naomi a small smile the twin bit her lip nervously 'Yeah I just…can't believe this is happening y'know? Are you sure you're sure about this-'

'Yes and if you ask me that one more time I'll…lock you in a room with Cook, a drunk Cook' Naomi joked as she leant over and placed a quick kiss on the redheads forehead before her expression turned serious 'Look, I know I fucked you around before Ems but seeing you with Effy, even if it was just a part of some bizarre plan…I've never been so jealous before and it was like the final piece in this crazy jigsaw. I'm just sorry it took me so long'

'Well…you'll just have to find a way to make it up to me' the redhead teased as she snuggled into Naomi, earning herself a gentle poke in the ribs.

Breathing in deeply Emily sighed as she was greeted with the familiar and unique smell that was Naomi. Letting out a small content sigh she found herself wishing the moment would never end but no sooner had the thought materialised in her head than she spotted her house looming in the distance causing her to tense in the blondes arm the twin groaned miserably.

'I don't wanna' she sulked slowing her pace as she felt her heart sink.

Emily wished for a countless time that she hadn't agreed to a curfew but she was trying her best to keep her Dad happy and at the time it had seem like an easy arrangement but if she'd know things would turn out like they did, it would have been the last thing she'd agree to.

As the two came to a slow stop out side the house Naomi pulled the twin into a tight hug, whispering in the other girls ear 'I wish you didn't have to go'

'You're not making this easier' Emily berated, her gentle tone letting the blonde know she wasn't entirely serious 'Do you think I could sneak you in somehow?'

Naomi laughed as the two pulled apart 'As much as I'd love that…I don't think Katie would be as happy to see me'

Emily chuckled as she imagined her twin's expression if she was met with the sight of Naomi snuggled in Emily's bed 'Probably not…but her reaction would be priceless'

'True' Naomi replied as she linked their hands together and tugged the redhead towards the front door 'And as much as I'd like to see that…I don't want to get you in trouble and...' Naomi paused as she checked her watch 'You're going to be late if you're not careful'

Allowing the other girl to pull her along Emily only put up a small resistance knowing that as much as she wanted to stay with Naomi she didn't want to deal with her parents yelling if she was late 'Fine, fine…spoilsport'

Stopping by the front door Emily wrapped her arms around the blondes' neck and feeling the other girls arms wrap around her waist the redhead smiled as she slowly leant forward bringing their lips together.

Emily wasn't sure how much time passed as she allowed herself to get lost in Naomi's embrace but as they finally pulled apart she couldn't have cared less. Resting their foreheads together Emily jumped as a noise from above broke the silence.

'Ems...for fucks sake, are you trying to get into trouble? Get in here' Katie whispered quietly as she leant out of the bedroom window just above them.

Rolling their eyes in unison Emily and Naomi giggled as reluctantly broke apart.

'Oh and by the way' Katie added a huge grin on her face 'You totally owe me. Both of you'

Shutting the window quickly she cut off any possible response, her smile still visible as she drew the curtains.

'Okay as much as I hate to admit it, she's kind right' Emily admitted as she turned back to face the blonde who was staring open mouthed at the now empty window.

Getting no reply the twin shook her head as she reached out and gently closed the blondes' mouth before placing a lingering kiss on the shocked lips.

Broken from her stunned silence Naomi returned the kiss and as Emily pulled away she whispered in a hopefully tone 'I'll see you tomorrow?'

'Defiantly' Naomi replied, adding in a shy voice 'You'll be the first thing I think about'

Grinning Emily slowly let go of the blonde as she made the short walk to the door 'Good cos you're pretty much the only thing I think about'

Slipping quietly into her house Emily took a final look at the beautiful blonde before finally closing the door, sighing happily she made her way to the kitchen not noticing her mother lurking in the shadows of the stairs watching her.

************

It had been a few minutes since Emily had gone into her home leaving Naomi standing in a trance outside, and smiling the blonde raised a hand to her lips enjoying the tingling sensation the redhead had left there.

The enormity of what had happened tonight was slowly sinking in and the blonde was surprised to feel nothing but pride and happiness. She had spent so long worrying about her feelings for the other girl, about what it mean and what people would think that she had forgotten what really mattered; how she felt. Naomi knew she loved the redhead, had always known it and finally she was ready to admit and stop playing games.

Enjoying the feeling of pride that was welling up inside of her she resisted the urge to let out a victorious shout, to let the world know she was here and she was ready for whatever was coming her way. Their way.

A gust of cold air broke the blonde from her thoughts as she realised how cold it was now Emily was no longer there to keep her warm and not wanting to linger outside the Fitch house any longer Naomi turned slowly and began the short walk to where she had arranged for a taxi to pick her up.

'Naomi!'

A strange voice shouting behind her caused Naomi to turn around and she was met with the furious face of the last person she wanted to see.

'Mrs Fitch' the blonde replied the anger in her voice thinly disguised 'Can I help you with something?'

'Yes you can' the woman spat back as she came face to face with the blonde for the first time. Drawing herself to her full height in an attempt to imitate the girl Jenna threw Naomi a dirty look before she continued 'Did you think I couldn't see you two, outside my house? It's disgusting and I want you to leave my daughter alone, she's not like you okay? I don't want you influencing her and making her…gay'

Taking a calming breath Naomi glared at the older woman, staring her down she refused to let Jenna scare her away. She had spent to long letting people get between her and Emily she wasn't going to let Mrs Fitch ruin their relationship before it had even started.

'Emily can't help what she is Mrs Fitch, and neither can I. You can try and stop us seeing each other but I'm telling you now, it won't stop us all it's gonna do is make this so much harder on everyone' Naomi ranted as she let all the anger she had contained flow out of her 'You might not be able to accept Emily for who she is but I do and I love her, that's not going to change no matter how much you want it to. You're going to have to be the one that changes. I mean she's your daughter for fucks sake, it shouldn't matter who she loves you're supposed to love her unconditionally'

Shocked at the blondes' outburst and unintentional echo of Katie's earlier words Mrs Fitch struggled for a comeback 'You don't know anything about me or my daughter-

'I know a lot about Emily' Naomi snapped back shaking her head at the woman's ignorance 'I know her favourite colour is green, and that she used to want to be the pink power ranger when she was six. I know that when she's nervous she can't help playing with her hair and I know the exact place she goes when she's upset. I might have made a lot of mistakes when it comes to Emily but I do know her and I won't let you do this to us'

'It's not your place-'

'Actually it is. I care about Emily and I see what this is doing to her…I don't care if you hate me but don't hate her'

Taking one last look at the defeated woman Naomi turned and as she made her way down the road the blonde let out a relieved breath she didn't know she had been holding. A loud beeping sound cut through the night silence and Naomi rummaged through her bag for her phone.

_Let me know you get home okay…won't sleep unless I know you're safe x_

Reading the text Naomi smiled but couldn't help but feel a nervous twinge as she looked back towards Emily's mum who was staring after her. Slipping her phone into her pocket Naomi frowned, feeling the eyes of the older woman burning into her back the blonde hoped she hadn't made another big mistake.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N – Okay sorry if this chapter is a bit…soppy for some of you but I love it :D it's more dialogue heavy than my normal writing but it just seemed to work better without to much other detail. As always let me know what you think!**

**Chapter 22**

Emily smiled to herself as she tucked her phone away in her pocket, and after pouring herself cup of tea, she let out a huge yawn deciding that as much as she didn't want this day to end it was time for bed. Switching off the light she made her way back into the hallway but the sound of a key turning in the lock of the front door caused her to stop and as it swung open to reveal her mother Emily jumped. Just about managing to hold onto her mug the twin let out the breath she had been holding as the various burglar related scenarios evaporated happily from her head, though looking at the thunderous expression on her mothers face part of Emily wondered if a crazed axe-murder wouldn't have been slightly more welcome.

Edging slowly back towards thekitchen Emily prayed that she had gone unnoticed but as she was about to reach the safety of the shadows she saw her mother raise her head sharply. As their eyes locked the twin was surprised to see unshed tears shimmering in her mother eyes. While part of the redhead wanted to ignore her mother full stop, to exact a small amount of revenge on the woman who had been so venomous to her recently, Emily knew she couldn't be so mean.

'Mum…are you okay?' the redhead asked nervously, taking a step forward to cover her previous attempts to escape.

'I'm fine' came the hushed reply 'Shouldn't you be in bed?'

'Yeah, just getting a drink' Emily nodded as she gestured to the mug in her hand before making her way past her mother and up the stairs 'Night'

'Night Emily'

Watching her mother head to the kitchen Emily was torn. She knew that it would be so much easier to go upstairs, slip under her duvet and ignore everything but the defeated tone in her mum's voice made the twin sigh as she slowly made her way back down the stairs and towards the bright light that had just been flicked on.

Taking a moment to compose herself Emily hoped she could stay calm and collected and prayed to every God she could think of that her mother would do the same. They had barely exchanged two words since Emily had moved back in and even though a voice in her head was screaming at her to turn and run the twin clenched her jaw determinedly and entered the kitchen.

Scanning the room Emily squinted as she waited her eyes to adjust to the fluorescent light, and as the dots cleared from her vision she saw her mother sat at the table, her head held in her hands as she appeared to be lost in her thoughts. Emily bit her lip nervously as she debated what to say, unaccustomed to dealing with this side of her mother the twin settled for the best way she knew to deal with someone who was upset.

As she poured the still hot water from the kettle into a mug the twin was grateful for the hush in the house, something about the lateness of the night comforted her as though this was a break from the normality of day. Adding a drop of milk Emily picked up the mug and made her way over to where her mother was sat and placing the tea in front of the older woman Emily slid into the seat opposite.

'Mum, what's wrong?'

There was a long pause as Emily watched her mother fiddle with the handle of the mug, obviously uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

'Do you think that I hate you?' the older woman blurted out not looking up from the table.

'No Mum…I don't…' Emily whispered, trying to keep the shock from her voice but uncertain of how to answer 'I don't think you hate me but-'

'But what?' came the tense interruption as Jenna finally looked up at her daughter.

'I don't think you hate me but sometimes I wonder if…if things would be easier for you if I wasn't around, if you'd be happier without me here' Emily stated building up the courage to be honest 'Sometimes it just seems like…you only loved me when I was who you wanted me to be and that you can't love me for being who I am'

Choking back a sob Jenna shook her head 'No Emily…that's not true, I love you. I do. You're my daughter'

'Throwing me out and…yelling at me about how, how I'm not who you want me to be doesn't exactly show that Mum' Emily reasoned, her voice heavy as she tried to control the tears that threatened to spill 'I know you love me Mum and I love you but I can't make you accept me being gay, as much as I want to and if you can't deal with this then…I don't know what to do, I can't fix this'

'I just…you make it all sound so easy'

'It is Mum, I'm still me' Emily smiled as she reached over to clasp one of her mother's hands 'Being gay doesn't change who I am'

'Yes it does'

Hearing her mothers strained words Emily let out a disbelieving choke as anger quickly bubbled up inside 'How-'

Cutting off her daughter Jenna clasped their hands together 'I don't mean it changes you…I mean' struggling for the right words the older woman took a deep breath to regain her composure 'Your life is going to be so much harder now Emily. People are going to judge you without even knowing you, you'll get things shouted at you…and people will stare. What if you can't get the job you want? Or have children...What if someone hurts you because…because…'

Softening Emily offered her mother a comforting glance 'You might be right Mum...I can't stop what other people think about me and I know that people who don't even know me will hate me for no other reason than the fact I'm gay but things are changing, and no matter what happens I need you to be on my side'

'I just wish I could protect you' Jenna whispered, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks as she looked at her daughter.

'You can't protect me from everything Mum, even if I was straight there's things you can never control, but trying to ignore this and pretend I'm not who I am doesn't make life any easier in fact…' the redhead hesitated shifting awkwardly in her chair 'Lately you're the one making my life harder'

'I never meant to' the older woman sobbed her normally calm exterior dissolving 'I thought if I could just pretend all this wasn't real then…you'd be safe, you'd still be my little girl and it just all go out of hand and I was so obsessed with keeping you safe…'

'A part of me will always be your little girl Mum but this isn't going to go away and…' the twin replied her own tears beginning to flow freely 'I need to know you're going to be okay with this'

Jenna smiled at her daughter as she reached out tucked a stray hair behind the redheads ear 'You know…I met Naomi outside. I gather she's the one Katie told us about?'

Throw by the sudden change of topic Emily was unable to control the look of panic that shot across her face and with her mind racing all she could utter was 'Oh…yeah'

'She's a fierce one' Jenna stated before smiling softly at her daughter 'I see why you like her'

'I love her' Emily replied more out of habit than correction.

'It's been a long time since someone stood up to me like she did' Jenna replied, shaking her head at the confused look on Emily's face 'I like her'

Emily blinked trying to work out if her mother had really said those three words, and as she watched her mother stand and make her way around the table to pull her into a hug the redhead returned the gestured still stunned.

'Good night Ems, I love you'

Broken from her trance the redhead smiled at the retreating figure 'Love you too Mum'

Frozen in her chair Emily suddenly found herself laughing as the tension she had been holding in her body evaporated, and as she let her head roll back the redhead found herself wondering for the second time that night if she was dreaming and realised that if she was, she never wanted to wake up.


End file.
